The little white lies of parenthood

As parents we are pretty hot off the mark at pulling the kids up on telling porkie pies. In fact, all it take is a ‘ooh your nose is growing” comment to get them regurgitating the truth quicker than you can say Jiminy Cricket.

But can YOU honestly say you only speak the truth…? and does the odd little white lie really hurt anybody…

“She only has her dummy at bedtime”

Sure she does. Bedtime and naptime. And if she’s really tired. Or miserable. Or in the car. Yes, all the dummy yielding two year olds DEFINITELY only have them at bedtime.

“Lovely reading tonight”

So apparently school reading books are to be read  Every. Single. Night. That’s fine, we can work with that. Do our best and fess up to the odd gap. But then when you look in that reading record book and wonder how it’s really been four nights since we read during half term, it’s all too easy to find a different coloured biro, and get ahem, creative.

“She can’t make the birthday party”

There are times in every parent’s life when the prospect of the tenth kids party that month is just too much to bear. Of course the harsh truth of ‘death by kids entertainers’ is just a truth no parent needs to hear, so the fictional calendar clash is really in everyone’s interests…isn’t it?

“Such a shame…The kids are sick”

Pre-kids, a lame last minute withdrawal from any social activity would have been held against you for the rest of your [social] life. If you’ve ever tried to back out of a ‘seemed a good idea two months ago and now all I want is my PJs and X factor’ type situation, you know that ‘poorly kids’ is a reason that no-one is going to argue with. Low blow? Maybe… but it’s not like you’re really hurting anybody, right?

“I haven’t got any pennies”

You’ve been there, I know you have. In the toy aisle of the supermarket, or the magazine section in the newsagents, as those big puppy dog eyes are pleading with you to buy that overpriced plastic tat. It’s a good job they haven’t twigged yet that you haven’t got pennies for the kids crap but you popped a bottle of red in your trolley.

“The sweets have all gone”

Hmmm…I reckon that based on the fact we still have Easter eggs at Halloween, Trick or treat sweets at Christmas, and Christmas chocolate at Easter, we have maybe been overusing this one. And that’s without the endless supply of sweetie cones courtesy of all those parties. Trouble is, if we let them loose on the insane amount of sugar we accumulate at each seasonal festivity, we’d have two obese kids with no teeth, bouncing off the walls.

“The batteries have run out”

Oh what a shame! Singalong Elsa has lost her voice! No, definitely haven’t got any of those special batteries…

“Just one more minute”

And I’ll be right with you / dinner will be ready / we’ll be going home / of my TV show (not yours) / of Mummy using the tablet / enter alternative here…

Yeah, it’s fair to say…guilty as charged. What’s your little white lie of choice?…


Background photograph designed by Asierromero –

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