As parents we are pretty hot off the mark at pulling the kids up on telling porkie pies. In fact, all it take is a ‘ooh your nose is growing” comment to get them regurgitating the truth quicker than you can say Jiminy Cricket.
But can YOU honestly say you only speak the truth…? and does the odd little white lie really hurt anybody…
“She only has her dummy at bedtime”
Sure she does. Bedtime and naptime. And if she’s really tired. Or miserable. Or in the car. Yes, all the dummy yielding two year olds DEFINITELY only have them at bedtime.
“Lovely reading tonight”
So apparently school reading books are to be read  Every. Single. Night. That’s fine, we can work with that. Do our best and fess up to the odd gap. But then when you look in that reading record book and wonder how it’s really been four nights since we read during half term, it’s all too easy to find a different coloured biro, and get ahem, creative.
“She can’t make the birthday party”
There are times in every parent’s life when the prospect of the tenth kids party that month is just too much to bear. Of course the harsh truth of ‘death by kids entertainers’ is just a truth no parent needs to hear, so the fictional calendar clash is really in everyone’s interests…isn’t it?
“Such a shame…The kids are sick”
Pre-kids, a lame last minute withdrawal from any social activity would have been held against you for the rest of your [social] life. If you’ve ever tried to back out of a ‘seemed a good idea two months ago and now all I want is my PJs and X factor’ type situation, you know that ‘poorly kids’ is a reason that no-one is going to argue with. Low blow? Maybe… but it’s not like you’re really hurting anybody, right?
“I haven’t got any pennies”
You’ve been there, I know you have. In the toy aisle of the supermarket, or the magazine section in the newsagents, as those big puppy dog eyes are pleading with you to buy that overpriced plastic tat. It’s a good job they haven’t twigged yet that you haven’t got pennies for the kids crap but you popped a bottle of red in your trolley.
“The sweets have all gone”
Hmmm…I reckon that based on the fact we still have Easter eggs at Halloween, Trick or treat sweets at Christmas, and Christmas chocolate at Easter, we have maybe been overusing this one. And that’s without the endless supply of sweetie cones courtesy of all those parties. Trouble is, if we let them loose on the insane amount of sugar we accumulate at each seasonal festivity, we’d have two obese kids with no teeth, bouncing off the walls.
“The batteries have run out”
Oh what a shame! Singalong Elsa has lost her voice! No, definitely haven’t got any of those special batteries…
“Just one more minute”
And I’ll be right with you / dinner will be ready / we’ll be going home / of my TV show (not yours) / of Mummy using the tablet / enter alternative here…
Yeah, it’s fair to say…guilty as charged. What’s your little white lie of choice?…
x MMT
Background photograph designed by Asierromero – Freepik.com
Aleena Brown January 17, 2017
Literally 90% of those are used regularly in this house!! Hilarious xx
ourrachblogs January 17, 2017
I’ve really honed both my lying and bribery skills since becoming a Mum and have likely told all of the above on at least 9 occasions. #wineandboobs
kerry January 17, 2017
Love this!! A little white lie wont hurt them, sometimes I tell mine that the parks closed today! There’s just less chance of a major meltdown!! I’m all for the “white lies” 🙂
#wineandboobies
Briony January 17, 2017
I’ve obviously used the just one more minute one too many times as now L spouts it back at me! Aargh! Just a minute mummy I’m busy with my jobs, being playing cars or watching peppa pig
omgitsagirl2015 January 18, 2017
Ha ha great post.. I have to admit to regularly using my kids as an excuse not to attend social events!!
I did once turn off the trip switch and tell them there was no power as I was fed up of bickering over what to watch on t.v.
Thanks for linking up to #wineandboobs
littlebug January 18, 2017
I’m already using these and my son is only 9 months old! Especially the “just one more minute” as if that’s going to stop him whining… #coolmumclub
Nicole January 19, 2017
The batteries have run out – I use that all the time!!!:)
#coolmumclub
mommyandrory January 19, 2017
My little one is too young to need any of these just yet. I do however use the odd one on my OH…yes this is my first glass of wine!
#CoolMumClub
everycloudmummy January 19, 2017
Haha I love this. It’s all so true!! #coolmumsclub
beautybabyandme January 19, 2017
Genius! I can already envisage the batteries have run out being a winning one for me! xx #coolmumclub
nowmynameismummy January 19, 2017
I haven’t needed to lie to my baby yet, but ‘I’ve had this ages!’ Is a common reply to ‘when did you get that?’
As parents if you don’t have lies and bribes you have nothing! #coolmumclub
Samsam - Simply A Mama January 19, 2017
hahaha the one lie I keep telling myself is the dummy is only at bedtime! weaning has been a very long journey for us #coolmumclub
Mrs Lighty January 19, 2017
Haha! I don’t think we’re quite there yet with most of these, although “they’re all gone!” and “just one minute!” are defnite regulars in our house!! And we have our own porkies at 19 months of parenthood, of that I’m sure!! #coolmumclub
Mummy Muckups (Anna) January 19, 2017
These are all essential survival strategies; it’s all in the delivery. #coolmumclub
justsayingmum January 19, 2017
Oh been there, done that, got the t-shirt – how bad is that? actually we should design a T-shirt! Fab post lovely. Trouble with teens you can’t get away with it anymore! #CoolMumClub
motherhoodtherealdeal January 19, 2017
So true! I have told so many of these lies myself. Are we all going to start growing Pinocchio noses over at #coolmumclub???!!! xoxox
familylifeandme January 19, 2017
I’m not even joking – I’ve said every single one of those haha! Whoops! It did make me laugh. Let’s tell as many porkies as we can whilst they are still all young enough to believe it. Thanks for sharing xx #coolmumclub
mommyandmadness January 19, 2017
I’m bad for the ‘in a minute!’ Sure it’s going to start being used by my daught t soon! #coolmumsblog
Mrs Mummy Harris January 19, 2017
I’m yet to make a lie as Ben definately has no clue what I’m saying – but the batteries line will totally be used!!! thanks for the tip =] #coolmumclub
rockandrosesmama January 20, 2017
To be fair i think Im pretty honest with my little man but they ‘hang on’ and ‘in a minute’ one definitely is me… haha! And occasionally the response to “where did he get that dummy from?” when my partner comes home from work… Me: “Oh… he found it under the sofa cushion…” instead of “Yeah I gave it to him” springs to mind! #coolmumclub
Alana - Burnished Chaos January 20, 2017
Ha ha, I have used every single one of these. Using ‘the kids are sick’ excuse has got to be one of the better perks of parenting
#Coolmumclub
Lisa Pomerantz January 21, 2017
Love this post and every lie spoken, has been spoken here. Brilliant! #coolmumclub xoxo
Helena January 22, 2017
For us it has to be the oh dear we’ve run out of batteries for Thomas the Tank Engine #coolmumclub