Toys to buy kids of parents you hate

Okay so maybe hate is a bit strong, but it’s a dog eat dog world out there on the Mum circuit. If you find yourself on the receiving end of some less than sisterly behaviour, don’t get mad…get even. Kill ’em with kindness in the form of some revenge gifting. Take that mother down with a smile and a gift bag containing a whole world of pain…

  1. Ball pool balls; Widely available in zip up bags, bringing joy to kids and misery to parents the whole world over. You may think these are ideal to fill a paddling pool, or trampoline net…but I guarantee Parents will be relocating the bags to the garage / car boot /loft / charity shop before you  can say ‘pick up a million plastic balls’.ball-107909_1920
  2. Bath crayons; A firm favourite in every bottom drawer set aside for items to ‘Regift’. Teach their kids to draw on the walls, and destroy their grout in the process.crayons-879973_1920
  3. Jigsaw books; Subtly sinister, disguising itself as a set of Jigsaws. The killer is, that this jigsaw can’t be packed away in it’s box…no, every jigsaw has to be rebuilt by Mummy within each page before the book can be closed back up, whilst child has long gone onto the next toy.pieces-of-the-puzzle-592785_1920
  4. WOW Ambulance: As a mum of girls who delicately play with the little doctors and patients in this toy, we were unaware of the hell Lurking within until some boy play date visitors enlightened the mouse on the unpleasant side effect of the wind up wheels…a deafening noise able to destroy ear drums within a 20 mile radius. They’ll be hiding this vehicle on a top shelf for ‘repair’ whilst the kids cry for their new favourite toy back.Image result for wow ambulance
  5. Play dough. Particularly the hair salon variety, which the children will love but the parents will hate – particularly if they are house proud. Not only can little kids fail to play independently, but the play dough will be trodden into carpets and rugs, and the dried up hair snippets will shed all over the place each time the box is opened. Ha. Dough Heads Hair Studio - Grow it! Cut it! Style it!
  6. Playing cards. Any kind will do…happily families, snap, top trumps. To an under five this is an irresistible opportunity to play pick up 52, eat 52, or post 52 in any random place around the home. One things for sure, their Mum will be finding those cards in every corner of their house for the next ten years. I know this only too well, thanks to the Morrissons free gift offer of 2014. View Item Top Trumps - Peppa Pig Activity Pack
  7. Toy money. So educational, so cute in the toy till, so perfect for playing teeny tiny shop keepers. To you, of course. To the kids, so jingly, so perfect to post into the DVD player, or even better, launch across the room or sprinkle around the house as though the tooth fairy came home pissed last night. Thanks kids.ELC Play Money
  8. Build-A-Bear. Face value is that this is such a generous and thoughtful gift that the kids will love. But, lets be honest, us parents know otherwise. Those oversized and overpriced bears are going to be a 5 minute wonder and then where the hell do you store ANOTHER sodding teddy. Image result for build a bear

Revenge is a dish best served cold…with Jelly & ice cream. No more Mrs Nice Mummy…after all, we all have a dark side!


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40 thoughts on “Toys to buy kids of parents you hate

  1. shinnersandthebrood Reply

    Play Dough gives me rage. Just spent twenty minutes chiseling it out of the grooves in the soles of my shoes. Grrrrr…
    Great post! Don’t start me on plastic money!

  2. One Messy Mama Reply

    Oh gosh! Playdough hair salon drives me nuts!!!!! All those little pieces lying all over the floor! Aaarrgghh… #coolmumclub

  3. dadbloguk Reply

    Toot Toot Drivers. Ah man, they should be illegal. So frickin’ noisy. I just don’t understand their appeal! Thanks for hosting #ColMumClub

    1. MMT Reply

      Oh yes! They were a serious contender for the list… We have the animals set… 8 different animals singing at random intervals AARGH!

  4. Reply

    OMG I have yet to to encouter jigsaw books! they sound horrible! Definitely feel you on the playing cards though, ugh x #coolmumclub

  5. Mummy Muckups (Anna) Reply

    Never received the build a bear; but yes to all the others!!! Oh so yes!! Especially play dough kits. One play and all the colours merge in to each other and it is a disgusting mess. I try and buy all the one colour. What a fun stopper mum I am! #coolmumclub

  6. Sarah Howe @runjumpscrap Reply

    The BALLS! They drive me insane. Always finding them everywhere. My Mum bought a really expensive build a bear but luckily it has been played with a bit. One day we will miss these toys xx Thanks for hosting xx

  7. nowmynameismummy Reply

    Haha! This is hilarious! Bath crayons sound like a nightmare! #coolmumclub

  8. mommyandrory Reply

    This is just too funny! As a mother of a 7 month old I have to admit initially I thought they all sounded like pretty good gift ideas! i mean come on bath crayons! Even Id love those! I guessing my opinion will change once Rory reaches the ‘I WANT EVERYTHING’ stage xx #coolmumclub

  9. Sarah Reply

    hahaha!!! As a ‘joke’ I used to find the noisiest toys possible for my nieces – toy trumpet, toy megaphone, toy drum. Sadly for me my nieces have reached the age they can be reasoned with whilst our little girl is 10 months old. I think we have some interesting gifts to come over the next few years as payback. Will make sure they don’t see this list… #coolmumclub

  10. Island Living 365 Reply

    Haha, yes to all of these! I also buy children recorders. I am evil! 😉 #coolmumclub

  11. anywaytostayathome Reply

    I’ve not come across a puzzle book yet, I’ve come over a bit clammy at the thought of one. My favourite trick with noisy toys is give them to grandparents ‘wouldn’t it be nice for you to have a little stash of toys at yours for him all the time’ works a treat :-0 #coolmumclub

  12. Something About Baby Reply

    I have been that “cool” aunty who has bought all the toys for my nephews that mummy wouldn’t let them get…now my sister has had her revenge 10 times over!! I have to say I have inflicted some of this pain on myself, being a clueless first time mummy…a lot of Alfie’s toys have run out of batteries (read:batteries have been removed and battery slots have been filled with glue!!). My most annoying gift has to be the vtech walker – if I hear that cow moo one more time….#coolmumclub

  13. Cheryl @ Tea or Wine Reply

    Hah hah! Yes have got most of these (although thankfully don’t think anyone has bought them as a present or I’ll start to become paranoid that they’re out for revenge!). Yesterday I found toy money in the bath, the sink and in the toddler’s bed. I like playdough but have to be involved giving 100% of my attention to what’s going on or else end up with it all over the kitchen and with the colours eternally mixed up. I have just thrown a jigsaw book away as it was forever doing my head in that we couldn’t pack it away unless every single page was complete! Thanks for hosting #Coolmumclub xx

  14. motherhoodtherealdeal Reply

    Haha love this….this really made me chuckle we basically have all these things and stupidly I bought them all myself….when will I learn!!!? Another corker coming I think over at #coolmumclub co-hosty with the mosty! xxx

  15. wendy Reply

    Haha so funny. I hope no one ever buys my boy one of those jigsaw books…sounds awful!!xx #coolmumclub

  16. justsayingmum Reply

    Just brilliant – who knew you had it in you?! Inspired evilness in kindness! Jigsaw books – arghhhhhhh! enough said! #Coolmumclub

  17. thetaleofmummyhood Reply

    My daughter was given a massive pink ball pool and balls on her birthday…someone really does hate me! Haha!


  18. Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love) Reply

    Lol yes to all of these – the kids love them but I definitely don’t. Jigsaw books would be the first thing on this list to go to Room 101 – I am so sick of having to try and put them together to be able to close the book up! Someone bought Jessica a jigsaw book containing four 96-piece jigsaws – somehow it’s found it’s way to the top shelf well out of sight…! #coolmumclub

  19. Lucy At Home Reply

    Hehe this made me chuckle! I would add a nice set of instruments to (especially a nice jangly tambourine! #CoolMumClub

  20. Ursula (AKA Mumbelievable) Reply

    Amazing. Bath crayons are in the bottom of my wardrobe as ‘regift’ items too – LOL!!!! Love it! Thx as ever for hosting #coolmumclub beautiful – it’s so great to be back! Big hugs Xxxx

  21. The Kitschy Mumma Reply

    I honestly believe that if you buy my Daughter Playdough for her birthday or christmas, you must hate me! Great post! #coolmumclub

  22. Tall Mum in Manchester Reply

    Hilarious – saving this list for just the right occasion!
    I know what you mean about teddy bears, we’ve been given so many for Tall Boy already that I don’t know what to do with them and I can’t imagine he will ever play with them all. #coolmumclub

  23. emma Reply

    play dough is evil!! great list, will get it out next time we get invited to a party!


  24. tinmccarthy Reply

    I LOVE this post!


  25. Rhyming with Wine Reply

    So that’s who’s reponsible for jamming toy money into all of the places in my house! Damn that tipsy fairy! Brilliant! (Although I’m now slightly concerned that my own parents don’t like me having received a number of these from them – Oh and a full size keyboard for a 3 year old. Aged 8 plus, but the 8 was coloured in to look like a 3, because that’s ok then.) Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub x

  26. alisonlonghurst Reply

    I love this…and my favourite revenge toy…Jigsaw books! I loved kids’ books, I HATED jigsaw books. High five mama from the dark side 🙂 Alison x #coolmumclub

  27. Ordinary Hopes Reply

    Apart from the jigsaw books, I have bought all these for my own child! 😀 #coolmumclub

  28. Emma Jones Reply

    Bath crayons I hated! Didn’t mind play doh but moon sand no way. And why do people give you battery operated toys but no batteries?!? = scrabble in the junk draw & crying child. #coolmumclub lifeinthemumslane

  29. Tilly Reply

    #coolmumclub Hahahaha!! The bath crayons one I am completely naive to, I thought they sounded a good idea so thanks for the warning!! My friend bought my daughter a toy electric guitar for her birthday, so naturally when it was her daughters birthday I gave her paints. Mwahahaha!

  30. teacuptoria Reply

    haha I remember these days! When you’d groan as you watched your child open a musical gift like a RECORDER!!! or anything with beads in that go EVERYWHERE! Great post xx #coolmumclub

  31. Angela Watling Reply

    Feel your pain with the ambulance especially. I won’t lie – when the batteries die in one of Little H’s toys, we usually don’t replace them and eventually she forgets it made noise… Bad parents maybe? But we’re at least vaguely sane still… #CoolMumClub

  32. Mum in Brum Reply

    Love that you mentioned the Morrisons free gift offer – I have a set of Guess Who? cards ‘hidden’ away in our odds and sods cupboard that Taylor always seems to hunt out just to open the box and throw them all over the floor before moving on to the next – usually Play doh! Fab post, as always xx #coolmumclub

  33. Mad Mommy Reply

    Pre-kids I bought my niece a drum-set… I am still waiting for the payback on that one. #coolmumclub

  34. tammymum Reply

    Hmmm we have been brought lots of play doh in our time… And a musical instrument set, this does not bode well. But it’s ok I have Lego and all its tiny pieces to be stepped on up my sleeve. Mwahahaha #coolmunclub

  35. crummymummy1 Reply

    Love this post – still laughing! #coolmumclub

  36. Hazel Reply

    Oh dear God, yes!!!! Except for Build a Bear and the WOW Ambulance, I am right by your side. I also get pretty twitchy about Moonsand and farm animals.

  37. Jakijellz Reply

    YES! Jigsaw books. Mine gets them all out then decides he doesn’t want to play with them. Cue Me having to do the pigging jigsaw before I can tidy up! What FUN! I have another – CRAZY SAND! It’s a great idea, you think – until day after day you have to sweep it up and bin it because it’s got mixed up with the crumbs from lunchtime on the floor when they DON’T KEEP IT IN THE BOX! The only saving grace is soon there won’t be any left, right?! 🙂 #coolmumclub

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