Okay so maybe hate is a bit strong, but it’s a dog eat dog world out there on the Mum circuit. If you find yourself on the receiving end of some less than sisterly behaviour, don’t get mad…get even. Kill ’em with kindness in the form of some revenge gifting. Take that mother down with a smile and a gift bag containing a whole world of pain…
- Ball pool balls; Widely available in zip up bags, bringing joy to kids and misery to parents the whole world over. You may think these are ideal to fill a paddling pool, or trampoline net…but I guarantee Parents will be relocating the bags to the garage / car boot /loft / charity shop before you can say ‘pick up a million plastic balls’.
- Bath crayons; A firm favourite in every bottom drawer set aside for items to ‘Regift’. Teach their kids to draw on the walls, and destroy their grout in the process.
- Jigsaw books; Subtly sinister, disguising itself as a set of Jigsaws. The killer is, that this jigsaw can’t be packed away in it’s box…no, every jigsaw has to be rebuilt by Mummy within each page before the book can be closed back up, whilst child has long gone onto the next toy.
- WOW Ambulance: As a mum of girls who delicately play with the little doctors and patients in this toy, we were unaware of the hell Lurking within until some boy play date visitors enlightened the mouse on the unpleasant side effect of the wind up wheels…a deafening noise able to destroy ear drums within a 20 mile radius. They’ll be hiding this vehicle on a top shelf for ‘repair’ whilst the kids cry for their new favourite toy back.
- Play dough. Particularly the hair salon variety, which the children will love but the parents will hate – particularly if they are house proud. Not only can little kids fail to play independently, but the play dough will be trodden into carpets and rugs, and the dried up hair snippets will shed all over the place each time the box is opened. Ha.
- Playing cards. Any kind will do…happily families, snap, top trumps. To an under five this is an irresistible opportunity to play pick up 52, eat 52, or post 52 in any random place around the home. One things for sure, their Mum will be finding those cards in every corner of their house for the next ten years. I know this only too well, thanks to the Morrissons free gift offer of 2014.
- Toy money. So educational, so cute in the toy till, so perfect for playing teeny tiny shop keepers. To you, of course. To the kids, so jingly, so perfect to post into the DVD player, or even better, launch across the room or sprinkle around the house as though the tooth fairy came home pissed last night. Thanks kids.
- Build-A-Bear. Face value is that this is such a generous and thoughtful gift that the kids will love. But, lets be honest, us parents know otherwise. Those oversized and overpriced bears are going to be a 5 minute wonder and then where the hell do you store ANOTHER sodding teddy.
Revenge is a dish best served cold…with Jelly & ice cream. No more Mrs Nice Mummy…after all, we all have a dark side!