Welcome to the lost property store of parenthood. Feel free to peruse the aisles of items which have been observed, identified and collected up whilst I have trawled through parenting blog post over the last six months of blogging. (And a few from the real life experiences of myself and my friends as we stumble into parenthood and beyond). Maybe it’s time to reclaim one of your lost belongings, do you recognise any? Or, feel free to report a new item missing in the comments below…
Item ID: 00001. Description: DIGNITY
Additional information: Found at the doorway of the hospital delivery suite. Owner believed to be female. Typically, the first thing to go on entering the realms of motherhood.
Item ID: 36913. Description: IDENTITY
Additional information: Widely reported missing across parenthood documentation on a global scale. Attempts to identify owner have repeatedly failed due to the inability to locate any of their pre-parenthood distinguishing characteristics.
Item ID: 46539. Description: SPONTANEITY
Additional information: Potential claimant due to collect on a date to be confirmed…
Item ID: 98643. Description: DISCO SHOES
Additional information: Hanging up in the miscellaneous footwear section. Seen plenty of action, but notably dusty. Heels approx 6 inch height.
Item ID: 67853 – 89765. Description: SLEEP
Additional information: Multiple quantities of sleep have been separated from their rightful owners, in varying subsets of duration and frequency.
Item ID: 78924. Description: CAREER ASPIRATIONS
Voluntary handed over to lost property in exchange for a quieter life and reduced childcare bill. Owner may return to collect at a later date, however may select an alternative item from the career aspiration shelf, if mutually agreed.
Item ID: 42356. Description: REMOTE CONTROL
Believed to be obsoleted from use due to the inability to switch channels from Nick Jr / CBeebies / Toy Story *enter current kid obsession here*
Item ID 87667. Description: MARBLES
Located at a children’s soft play area during summer holidays on a rainy weekend, on half price day.
Item ID 56987. Description: SHIT
Multiple potential owners reported to have lost their shit on occasion. Previous units of ‘shit’ have been returned to owner, having got their ‘shit back together’.
N.B. FOUND ITEMS, Reclaimed by visitors to the lost property store of parenthood include: FULFILLMENT, LOST YOUTH, THE MEANING OF IT ALL, CONTENTMENT, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
Not a bad exchange really?