The lost property store of parenthood

Welcome to the lost property store of parenthood. Feel free to peruse the aisles of items which have been observed, identified and collected up whilst I have trawled through parenting blog post over the last six months of blogging. (And a few from the real life experiences of myself and my friends as we stumble into parenthood and beyond). Maybe it’s time to reclaim one of your lost belongings, do you recognise any? Or, feel free to report a new item missing in the comments below…

Item ID: 00001. Description: DIGNITY

Additional information: Found at the doorway of the hospital delivery suite. Owner believed to be female. Typically, the first thing to go on entering the realms of motherhood.

Item ID: 36913. Description: IDENTITY

Additional information: Widely reported missing across parenthood documentation on a global scale. Attempts to identify owner have repeatedly failed due to the inability to locate any of their pre-parenthood distinguishing characteristics.

Item ID: 46539. Description: SPONTANEITY

Additional information: Potential claimant due to collect on a date to be confirmed…

Item ID: 98643. Description: DISCO SHOES

Additional information: Hanging up in the miscellaneous footwear section. Seen plenty of action, but notably dusty. Heels approx 6 inch height.

Item ID: 67853 – 89765. Description: SLEEP

Additional information: Multiple quantities of sleep have been separated from their rightful owners, in varying subsets of duration and frequency.

Item ID: 78924. Description: CAREER ASPIRATIONS

Voluntary handed over to lost property in exchange for a quieter life and reduced childcare bill. Owner may return to collect at a later date, however may select an alternative item from the career aspiration shelf, if mutually agreed.

Item ID: 42356. Description: REMOTE CONTROL

Believed to be obsoleted from use due to the inability to switch channels from Nick Jr / CBeebies / Toy Story *enter current kid obsession here*

Item ID 87667. Description: MARBLES

Located at a children’s soft play area during summer holidays on a rainy weekend, on half price day.

Item ID 56987. Description: SHIT

Multiple potential owners reported to have lost their shit on occasion. Previous units of ‘shit’ have been returned to owner, having got their ‘shit back together’.


N.B. FOUND ITEMS, Reclaimed by visitors to the lost property store of parenthood include: FULFILLMENT, LOST YOUTH, THE MEANING OF IT ALL, CONTENTMENT, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

Not a bad exchange really?





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71 thoughts on “The lost property store of parenthood

  1. islandliving365 Reply

    hahaha. I wondered where I had put them, they are mine all mine! Can I please claim them back 😉 #marvmonday

  2. Mama, My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows Reply

    Haha, ah yes- I had been bemusedly searching for my dignity having went about my working day with a dinosaur sticker attached to my butt. Good to know where to look next time.


  3. Coombe Mill Reply

    so funny and worryingly true, but don’t despair it all comes back as they grow up! #marvmonday

  4. newmummyblogcom Reply

    Hahaha brilliant! And very very true, I so want to be spontaneous…. Even just go out for dinner spur of the moment after work after a rubbishy day.

  5. hibabyblog Reply

    Fantastic post 🙂 all very true

  6. absolutely prabulous Reply

    Clever you. What a funny post. NEVER give up the disco shoes.

  7. Lucinda Leo Reply

    LOVE it! Especially the Found items. 😉

  8. Educating Roversi Reply

    This is hilarious!
    ITEM NO: 23577 DESCRIPTION: Handbag
    Additional Info: Found in accessories section with small clutch bags and nice tote bags. Swapped for large bag with lots of pockets, probably smeared with shit, puke or snot.


    1. MMT Reply

      Ha ha! Of course! How DID I forget that one 😉

      One day we will be reunited with nice bags…one day xxx

  9. min1980 Reply

    I’m not sure the disco shoes are ever coming back. I did go all out for disco shoes though, back in the day, and have quite the collection. As Carrie Bradshaw almost said, “I like my money where I can see it. Sitting in a cardboard box in a storage unit three miles away.” #fartglitter

    1. MMT Reply

      I borrowed a pretty awesome pair of disco shoes last weekend, on a hen do in Barcelona. Lets just say the floor and my butt got pretty well acquainted by the end of the night…bruises to prove it. Yep, those shoes can stay in lost property!

  10. Agent Spitback Reply

    Brilliant! Loved it! I must go and check this department, if I can FIND my way there!

  11. Mum in Brum Reply

    Loved this!! It’s reassuring to hear that we’re all the same! I’m looking forward to getting my shit back together at some point, and perhaps some sense of identity…I did actually go on a night out recently and my disco shoes were actually dusty, I kid you not. Fantastic post, as usual xx

    1. MMT Reply

      Thank you honey… This reply could inspire a whole new post titled ‘random things I have actually hoovered’. Including 1. Shoes, 2. The baby…. 😉 xxx

  12. Mrs Tubbs Reply

    Privacy! I remember the days when having a wash or a pee by myself was living the dream! This made me laugh so much.

    1. MMT Reply

      Thank you… Must keep my eyes peeled for my privacy in the store room too! It’s been gone so long I’d forgotten all about it 😉 x

  13. Bec Cowley Reply

    Very funny and oh so true!

  14. butterflymum83 Reply

    What an awesome, creative and hilarious piece! Love it 🙂 #marvmondays

  15. lizzie ( firstooth ) Reply

    I’ve lost it all! Really funny read! Some things we’ll just never get back, but you’re right, we get a whole lot more in exchange

  16. Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love) Reply

    Love the items that have been found and can certainly relate to all those lost property items – especially the losing my marbles at soft play! 🙂 #coolmumclub

  17. WhingeWhingeWine Reply

    I really liked this one. Glad I’m not the only one to lose my marbles and my career in the name of parenting. Makes me feel better x

  18. squishedblueberries Reply

    Haha I definitely lost my dignity, probably around about the time of conception! #coolmunsclub

  19. 2teens1preteen Reply

    oh i literally laughed out loud the whole way through this and gasped a few times too! So funny, so inspired – loved it! Dignity, disco shoes, career aspirations, sleep and Shit – i’m there with you! Brilliant!

  20. beautybabyandme Reply

    Absolutely brilliant post- so funny and so true! Yep we lose our shit a lot, but babies are always on hand to provide more (of the actual kind)!! xx #coolmumclub

  21. Life Love and Dirty Dishes Reply

    Love this. So true. Very clever post.

  22. Emma Jones Reply

    Ha ha! Love this definitely agree with identity and disco shoes and spontaneity! Fab idea. #coolmumclub lifeinthemumslane

  23. wendy Reply

    This is brilliant and very true. I definitely need to come for a browse and find my missing identity and dusco shoes! Loved this xx #coolmumclub

  24. occupation:(m)other Reply

    I don’t know why I ever bothered buying snazzy shoes, they are collecting dust somewhere in the house not on my feet. Clever post #coolmumclub

  25. Mummy in a TuTu (@mummyinatutu) Reply

    hahaha actually awesome! I think I will keep what I got as a result of trading in though… she’s so squishy!

  26. motherhoodtherealdeal Reply

    Love love love this post. I am still looking for everything, but most feverishly…my disco shoes! Maybe we will both find them at Brit Mums lol? #coolmumclub loving x

  27. Babylists Reply

    Absolutely love this!! So true! The remote, however, can always be found in my 11 month old’s mouth… #coolmumclub

  28. rhymingwithwine Reply

    I’m afraid that I appear to have lost my item 56987 on more than one other occasion, and I am waiting patiently for it to be returned so that I can get it back together. Just another 15 years or so haha. You’re right though. The exchange values make it worth it.

    Love love love this post xx

  29. KidGearUK Reply

    Fabulous post! I love this. #coolmumclub

  30. gimmiefive Reply

    Brilliant, really enjoyed reading this! #coolmumclub

  31. cherylbarry Reply

    Hah! Great post, I can confirm I’ve lost all of those items. Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub x

  32. Kat @ Eat.Love.Live Reply

    Love it! Yes to all of these. I would add alone time as well as private visits to the bathroom. Where have they gone? #coolmumclub

  33. Ellen Reply

    This is fab, love it. Dignity has definitely gone, never to be seen again (maybe once I can stop getting my boobs out it will be regained slightly)! #coolmumclub

  34. Emma Reply

    Haha – all very true 🙂

  35. thismummylark Reply

    Tickled me. True true true. I was expecting a what my child keeps loosing post. This is far better

  36. Helen Reply

    Love it. Who needs dignity anyway – overrated! Still scrabbling around in Lost Prop trying to keep my career going, whilst desperately trying to keep my sh1t together! yee-ha xx #coolmumclub

  37. Kate Tunstall, Refined Prose Reply

    This is awesome! (I’m always slightly envious when I read something so witty because I wish I’d thought of it myself! ) xx


  38. Busy Working Mummy Reply

    Haha oh so true! All of them! #coolmumclub

  39. Complicated Gorgeousness Reply

    Haha I think I may have lost my marbles before motherhood. And the disco shoes – kept a spare pair *smug face* xx

  40. ljdove23 Reply

    Haha I read this earlier and had a really good giggle to myself! Hunt out those disco shoes, never give up hope!! #coolmumclub

  41. moderatemum Reply

    How long are they held for? I want to know if I can collect them in ten to fifteen years? #coolmumclub

  42. Hannah G, The 'Ordinary' Mum Reply

    Love this, really made me chuckle. Completely lost all of them but definitely worth the exchange 🙂 Thank you for hosting #coolmumclub x

  43. Yvonne - Double the Monkey Business Reply

    Ha ha, all true. Especially the dignity, that was definitely left behind at the hospital somewhere. All worth it though 🙂 #coolmumclub

  44. This Mum's Life Reply

    Hehe, so clever!! I’ve lost all of those things too!! Losing my shit seems to be a much more frequent occurrence these days though…! However, I think I’ve been short changed on the things I should’ve picked up in exchange? I don’t seem to have many of those…!!!!! I appear to have picked up a slept oval approach to SAHM-ing instead?!

  45. Morgan Prince Reply

    LOVE this! I laughed at that first one – SO accurate!
    I have recently lost PATIENCE, it seems that after a few weeks of tween tantrums first thing in a morning PATIENCE has gone missing… 😉

  46. Unhinged Mummy (aka Janine Woods) Reply

    Really enjoyed this. You are absolutely spot on with each one. I tend to loose my shit on a daily basis and I am still looking for my marbles. Infact sanity on the whole should be added to that list.


  47. Silly Mummy Reply

    Brilliant and so accurate! Ah my disco shoes. Poor abandoned disco shoes! #coolmumclub

  48. rightroyalmother Reply

    Very, very cool. I think my marbles went way back, before the days of soft play, but hey … I’d probably just trip over them if they came back now 🙂 #coolmumclub

  49. Marry [Free Printable Calendar] Reply

    Loved this!! Thank you.

  50. tammymum Reply

    That’s an absolutely brilliant post. Loved reading it and spot on xx #coolmumclub

  51. My Petit Canard Reply

    Totally! I think I can pretty much nod my head to everyone one of these lol, but wouldnt change it for the world 🙂 Perhaps ones day though, I will reclaim my dignity, perhaps a new found sense of identity and maybe just maybe some sleep 😉 Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Emily

  52. dadblogukJohn Adams Reply

    Well, yes, most of this does apply to use guys as well as you girls. Apart from the six inch heels. Well, even then I’m sure some guys could relate to it. I think, by the way, you could have put a cull stop after ‘career’. No need to say ‘aspirations’!!

  53. everythingsrosieandgeorge Reply

    If you could just look after my marbles for me that would be great, you never know I might have cause to get them back again in about 20 years! Xx #coolmumclub

  54. Life as Mum Reply

    Haha this is a great list!
    Thank you so much for linking up to #justanotherlinky

  55. mudpiefridays Reply

    Ha ha this is a great list, and so true! as I was reading I was remembering that dignity I think mine got lost prior to the delivery suite and I am wondering if its possible to loose it twice over :). #FartGlitter xx

  56. Something Crunchy Mummy Reply

    This is brilliant & so true! #coolmumclub xx

  57. Ellie @ Hand Me Down Baby Reply

    Ahh, see, I knew they must have all gone somewhere!! Not sure when I’ll be able to reclaim sleep, but trying to get identity back right now…keep getting waylaid by little people though!

  58. Something Crunchy Mummy Reply

    Popping back from #justanotherlinky. Thanks for linking up xx

  59. Squirmy Popple Reply

    Love this! I’m definitely missing a few of these things – especially sleep. Oh, how I miss sleep. #FamilyFun

  60. Catie: Imperfect Mum Reply

    This is so clever. I can identify with all of these particularly my marbles at the soft play and although I sometimes feel I’m getting my shot together something usually happens to remind me I can lose it again at any moment. Good to see that amongst all the loses you have certainly retained your sense of humour. TY for linking up with #FamilyFun

  61. justsayingmum Reply

    ha ha – commented before I know but still a treat to read again #familyfun

    1. MMT Reply

      Always worth a second rummage when you’re searching for that lost identity 😉 thanks for coming back!! Xxx

  62. twotinyhands Reply

    I honestly thought your remote control was going to be eaten just then! Lovely style! #familyfun

  63. breakfastclubmum Reply

    A great read, thanks. It’s amazing we all still carry on all fully-functional adults (or at least pretend to!)

  64. all Months Calendar Reply

    good to see family to-gathers that is the real fun time with family hope everyone has it.. thanks for shring

  65. Kristine @ MumRevised Reply

    That was a fun post. Disco shoes will go with me to the grave!
    We are #BlogStars this month with Prabs.

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