The little white lies of parenthood

As parents we are pretty hot off the mark at pulling the kids up on telling porkie pies. In fact, all it take is a ‘ooh your nose is growing” comment to get them regurgitating the truth quicker than you can say Jiminy Cricket.

But can YOU honestly say you only speak the truth…? and does the odd little white lie really hurt anybody…

“She only has her dummy at bedtime”

Sure she does. Bedtime and naptime. And if she’s really tired. Or miserable. Or in the car. Yes, all the dummy yielding two year olds DEFINITELY only have them at bedtime.

“Lovely reading tonight”

So apparently school reading books are to be read  Every. Single. Night. That’s fine, we can work with that. Do our best and fess up to the odd gap. But then when you look in that reading record book and wonder how it’s really been four nights since we read during half term, it’s all too easy to find a different coloured biro, and get ahem, creative.

“She can’t make the birthday party”

There are times in every parent’s life when the prospect of the tenth kids party that month is just too much to bear. Of course the harsh truth of ‘death by kids entertainers’ is just a truth no parent needs to hear, so the fictional calendar clash is really in everyone’s interests…isn’t it?

“Such a shame…The kids are sick”

Pre-kids, a lame last minute withdrawal from any social activity would have been held against you for the rest of your [social] life. If you’ve ever tried to back out of a ‘seemed a good idea two months ago and now all I want is my PJs and X factor’ type situation, you know that ‘poorly kids’ is a reason that no-one is going to argue with. Low blow? Maybe… but it’s not like you’re really hurting anybody, right?

“I haven’t got any pennies”

You’ve been there, I know you have. In the toy aisle of the supermarket, or the magazine section in the newsagents, as those big puppy dog eyes are pleading with you to buy that overpriced plastic tat. It’s a good job they haven’t twigged yet that you haven’t got pennies for the kids crap but you popped a bottle of red in your trolley.

“The sweets have all gone”

Hmmm…I reckon that based on the fact we still have Easter eggs at Halloween, Trick or treat sweets at Christmas, and Christmas chocolate at Easter, we have maybe been overusing this one. And that’s without the endless supply of sweetie cones courtesy of all those parties. Trouble is, if we let them loose on the insane amount of sugar we accumulate at each seasonal festivity, we’d have two obese kids with no teeth, bouncing off the walls.

“The batteries have run out”

Oh what a shame! Singalong Elsa has lost her voice! No, definitely haven’t got any of those special batteries…

“Just one more minute”

And I’ll be right with you / dinner will be ready / we’ll be going home / of my TV show (not yours) / of Mummy using the tablet / enter alternative here…

Yeah, it’s fair to say…guilty as charged. What’s your little white lie of choice?…


Background photograph designed by Asierromero –

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25 thoughts on “The little white lies of parenthood

  1. Aleena Brown Reply

    Literally 90% of those are used regularly in this house!! Hilarious xx

  2. ourrachblogs Reply

    I’ve really honed both my lying and bribery skills since becoming a Mum and have likely told all of the above on at least 9 occasions. #wineandboobs

  3. kerry Reply

    Love this!! A little white lie wont hurt them, sometimes I tell mine that the parks closed today! There’s just less chance of a major meltdown!! I’m all for the “white lies” 🙂


  4. Briony Reply

    I’ve obviously used the just one more minute one too many times as now L spouts it back at me! Aargh! Just a minute mummy I’m busy with my jobs, being playing cars or watching peppa pig

  5. omgitsagirl2015 Reply

    Ha ha great post.. I have to admit to regularly using my kids as an excuse not to attend social events!!

    I did once turn off the trip switch and tell them there was no power as I was fed up of bickering over what to watch on t.v.

    Thanks for linking up to #wineandboobs

  6. littlebug Reply

    I’m already using these and my son is only 9 months old! Especially the “just one more minute” as if that’s going to stop him whining… #coolmumclub

  7. Nicole Reply

    The batteries have run out – I use that all the time!!!:)

  8. mommyandrory Reply

    My little one is too young to need any of these just yet. I do however use the odd one on my OH…yes this is my first glass of wine!

  9. everycloudmummy Reply

    Haha I love this. It’s all so true!! #coolmumsclub

  10. beautybabyandme Reply

    Genius! I can already envisage the batteries have run out being a winning one for me! xx #coolmumclub

  11. nowmynameismummy Reply

    I haven’t needed to lie to my baby yet, but ‘I’ve had this ages!’ Is a common reply to ‘when did you get that?’

    As parents if you don’t have lies and bribes you have nothing! #coolmumclub

  12. Samsam - Simply A Mama Reply

    hahaha the one lie I keep telling myself is the dummy is only at bedtime! weaning has been a very long journey for us #coolmumclub

  13. Mrs Lighty Reply

    Haha! I don’t think we’re quite there yet with most of these, although “they’re all gone!” and “just one minute!” are defnite regulars in our house!! And we have our own porkies at 19 months of parenthood, of that I’m sure!! #coolmumclub

  14. Mummy Muckups (Anna) Reply

    These are all essential survival strategies; it’s all in the delivery. #coolmumclub

  15. justsayingmum Reply

    Oh been there, done that, got the t-shirt – how bad is that? actually we should design a T-shirt! Fab post lovely. Trouble with teens you can’t get away with it anymore! #CoolMumClub

  16. motherhoodtherealdeal Reply

    So true! I have told so many of these lies myself. Are we all going to start growing Pinocchio noses over at #coolmumclub???!!! xoxox

  17. familylifeandme Reply

    I’m not even joking – I’ve said every single one of those haha! Whoops! It did make me laugh. Let’s tell as many porkies as we can whilst they are still all young enough to believe it. Thanks for sharing xx #coolmumclub

  18. mommyandmadness Reply

    I’m bad for the ‘in a minute!’ Sure it’s going to start being used by my daught t soon! #coolmumsblog

  19. Mrs Mummy Harris Reply

    I’m yet to make a lie as Ben definately has no clue what I’m saying – but the batteries line will totally be used!!! thanks for the tip =] #coolmumclub

  20. rockandrosesmama Reply

    To be fair i think Im pretty honest with my little man but they ‘hang on’ and ‘in a minute’ one definitely is me… haha! And occasionally the response to “where did he get that dummy from?” when my partner comes home from work… Me: “Oh… he found it under the sofa cushion…” instead of “Yeah I gave it to him” springs to mind! #coolmumclub

  21. Alana - Burnished Chaos Reply

    Ha ha, I have used every single one of these. Using ‘the kids are sick’ excuse has got to be one of the better perks of parenting

  22. Lisa Pomerantz Reply

    Love this post and every lie spoken, has been spoken here. Brilliant! #coolmumclub xoxo

  23. Helena Reply

    For us it has to be the oh dear we’ve run out of batteries for Thomas the Tank Engine #coolmumclub

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