Hey peeps. I don’t think our next guest needs much introduction…a bit of a legend on my blogger circuit, I’m totally honored to hand over to El, aka Agent Spitback, the nuttiest, funniest, randomest mother in town. You may know her as The Mulk, the occasional alter ego…either way, they’re both pretty wonderful. Enjoy!
The Secret Interview of El, of the Secret Diary of Agent Spitback, uncensored.
Agent Spitback was absolutely thrilled when she received this covert assignment by Mummuddlingthrough, to unmask the woman behind the Secret Diary of Agent Spitback.
Just who in the world is EL?
This elusive persona who goes by the moniker El, is notoriously hard to track down. She is very much the short mum next door, due to her not eating any fruit or vegetables when she was younger, with glasses due to reading in the dark, under covers even though her mum had told her to go to bed two hours earlier, and weird coloured wardrobe combination as she was born with a rare genetic condition called “Wardrobe Colour Disco-ordination Complex”.
El tries not to do any housework ever, in particular she hates cleaning the bathroom and looking for lost socks. She does hold the World Record for the longest apprentice short order cook still in training, 12 years and still counting.
She is married to a John Travolta lookalike, has three lovely children, two of whom are now teenagers and have veto powers over her blog posts, works full time and sleeps part time, survives on lemon juice water and hard boiled eggs.
The Scandal of the ‘70s
In researching for this interview, I found out that El was nearly kicked out of nursery school at age 5 when she marched up to the Principal and berated her openly for providing cheap home brand biscuits for tea. She then threw her paper napkin into her classmate’s Milo to prove her point that the tea was rubbish. El’s mother was then called in. Her mother then warned her very sternly to “behave like a normal child” but El, did what she normally would do, she re-defined normality for her mother. But this epiphany of what makes a brilliant tea at age 5 would later hold El in good stead when choosing her Primary School based on the Catering Menu.
So it was no accident that I managed to find her, my creator, where most moms would be, hiding in the bathroom with the LAST piece of Cake. Feeling cornered and pressured not to share the Chocolate Cake, she agreed to be interviewed for Coolmumsclub : Meet the Members and I was absolutely free to ask her….
The Questions any child would love to ask but would never ever dare to!
Agent Spitback : Who am I? I am Some sort of Fraken-blogmonster you have created?
EL : You are the protagonist in a fictionalized story of a mum trying to survive the most dangerous place in the world – the school playground. This is a fictional narrative based loosely on events and people everyone talks about on Facebook. You are a “normal” mom just trying to figure things out. You are the mum next door. You are the mum we see in school. You are the mum we see on the football field. You are the mum we bump into at the shops. But you are also the mum who cries in the shower. And you are the mum who makes us all laugh, laugh at our mistakes, our fears, our anxieties, our insecurities, our triumphs, and our achievements. In reality, you are the mum people would stay far away from because they are afraid they might appear in your Diary.
Agent Spitback : Was I an accident?
EL : No, no, you were very much a planned Franken-blogmonster baby. I carried you for more than 10 years (yes, very very overdue) and I remember the exact moment you were born.
It was a night like any ordinary night. I had a toddler with severe reflux, a newborn who didn’t like sleeping and a husband who liked sleeping too much. It was 11pm and I had put in a proposal to the Oxford Dictionary on the creation of a new word : “Mumatose” – the re-definition of maternal exhaustion. I was so close to losing it, because I felt I was not coping and was failing miserably not once but now with two children! My toddler had walked in on me, and saw me expressing breastmilk for the first time. He was fascinated and asked what I was doing. My husband then explained to him that I was expressing my breastmilk.
“Mummy Cow!” he declared all too seriously and even in sheer exhaustion and feelings of failure, I laughed.
I laughed so hard that, you, Agent Spitback popped out and was born as my psychological defense mechanism. You made me see the lighter funny side to the dark or even mundane moments and have been a constant companion on my journey.
Life would always be challenging, there would be ups and downs but hilarity is indeed the balm of life.
And the good things in life, except for Chocolate and Cake, should be shared.
Agent Spitback : Why blog?
EL : Why not? (laughs) The Tabitha story had been written a year before and I was sick of receiving rejection letters from literary agents and publishers. I thought I rather hear from the people I had always intended to reach anyway. If real people thought my story was rubbish, then I would pack it all in.
There are definitely some exciting changes coming to the blog. I have many dark skeletal secrets waiting to be unearthed from the closet. Your story is not what it seems to be. I have a very big Narnia Like Closet where magical adventures and stories await! So stay tuned for more Mama Drama!
Agent Spitback : Do you have a favourite, The MULK or me?
EL : The Mulk is your best imaginary friend whom I have adopted! The MULK is about the one off blog posts. And you know Mums never have any favourites…yeah, right.
Agent Spitback : Are you really proud of me?
EL : Yes, I am actually. You have allowed me to connect with some of the most amazing bloggers, some of whom I am so honoured to call friends, mentors and fellow mischief-makers. And I look forward to meeting many more!
It has been an amazing blogging journey, and I am loving every minute of it. Where else can I write my life nonsense and not be arrested for “un-normal” (sic intended) humour?
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