I’m coming up to two years sober which is something I never thought I’d hear myself say. The story isn’t new, and it’s all here on the blog already, but as I have found my stride and my confidence alcohol free in a booze loving world, it’s time for the sober story, 2020 edition.
So, sweet and succinct, here are 10 reasons why I am sober, through choice, and loving it.
- I am a terrible drunk – A really rubbish drunk. That friend who is always a liability, who takes it too far every time and manages to be sick in the back of the taxi, offend someone, lose their belongings, cry or fall over and twist their ankle.
- I cannot cope with hangovers – Even more so since having kids. In fact, alcohol seemed to agree with me less and less over the years. And I wasn’t great to start with. Sever vomiting, anxiety, heart palpitations, headaches that lasted not just till tea time…but days at a time.
- Blackouts scare the shit out of me – I could just about cope with black outs as a student, or as a messy twenty something. But when someone once recoiled in horror about the time they got so drunk they couldn’t remember anything, I realised, it wasn’t normal to black out as often as I did. And in your late thirties, having vague memories of a kind stranger putting you in a taxi off the train is pretty horrendous.
- It’s not funny any more – Shrugging off the night before began to wear thin, and just as friends along the way grew tired of my immature and relentless inability to hold a drink, I grew tired of it myself.
- I like clarity – Life sober is like you adjusted the focus and got a crystal clear picture ALL of the time. Not just the start of the night, or the non hungover days. Every day and every moment of a social event is savoured as the delectable precious gold dust that it is. Life, lucid is for me.
- I feel AMAZING – Energy, check. Clear head, check. White eyes, check. Fitness, check. Genuine smiles, check. When I stopped poisoning my body week after week, unsurprisingly, my cells thanked me for it. It’s not rocket science.
- Sober looks good on me – I’m not just talking about the weight loss, sparkly eyes, make up that stayed in the right place all night, or ability to walk in a straight line. I’m also talking about the twinkle I have back, the pride in being able to be myself entirely, and love myself a little bit more. As a whole person I feel like I have my sparkle back, my child like sense of humour and a pride in myself that had been long forgotten.
- I am a Mum my kids can be proud of – I never wanted to be that Mum swigging from a wine glass, slurring her words at a family barbecue, and bringing my late night bad behaviour into the view of my young and influential children. I wanted to show them a world where alcohol isn’t the answer to every prayer, every problem and every weekend. We all know that actions speak louder than words. I love that my five year old understands I don’t drink wine anymore because it made me feel yucky.
- My mental health is in good shape – Undoubtedly, alcohol fuelled my anxiety. That moment of stress relief after the first glass swiftly progressed to a rise and fall in brain altering chemicals. And we all know that what goes up must come crashing down. Life sober is less of a roller coaster, more of a scenic train ride, and that is just how I like it. Paranoia, panic attacks, general self loathing is pretty much a thing of the past for me nice getting sober, and that motivates me every single day.
- I deserve better – Better than unexplained bruises, than feeling ashamed of my out of character behaviour, than losing hours of my life at a time at a time, and whole days that followed. To give my body a break from the decades of abuse and to honour it as it should be honoured. To not take my physical health for granted and not batter my organs without a second thought for the lasting damage I was doing to myself.
I needed to find out who the real me was, and get to know her. To introduce her to my daughters, and to stop running away from my demons. To learn to be happy, to have fun, to feel sad and to experience life, as just me, as Sarah.