The sausage roll mum

It was a beautiful spring morning that we took our tiny newborn out of the house for the first time. Having battled with the new pram, how many layers to wrap her in, and the bizarre feeling that I was going to suffocate; we did manage to successfully navigate all the way to the bakery two streets away, and back.

This was the perfect location for that momentous journey, not only because of its stones throw distance from our house, nor because it’d look great written in the baby book, but because you remember in those first weeks, months, cooking any decent meal is out the question and survival depends on hand to mouth food. As the parental’s deliveries of home made shepherds pies and lasagnes dried up, we came to appreciate a certain little pastry wrapped sausage number available at none other than our nearest and dearest bakery store.

And so it began, on that first outing, we returned home with greasy baked goods and felt pretty wonderful that we had survived the walk, and hunter gathered lunch to boot.

As weeks went by, Mr G returned to work, and waves 2,3 and 4 of visitors slowly fizzled out, I would often find myself at a loose end, with no where to go or be, exhausted and hungry, in need of an escape of the four walls. You know where this is heading don’t you? Off we’d head, the longest route possible, enjoying the warm sunshine, or even drizzle on my face, as I walked with purpose – to get lunch of course. I’d sometimes stop at my aunties who lives a few doors along to see if she needed anything from the bakery? A sausage roll for lunch perhaps? This would also be reciprocated, and she would occasionally stroll down to me, needing an excuse to cuddle that delicious newborn; “Do you need anything for lunch? I was thinking of walking to the bakery for sausage rolls?”.

Thank god for breastfeeding; It must have stopped me growing to the size of a house. Particularly when a little cake for afters could, every now and again, fall in the bag.

I started to ponder how this year of maternity leave was going to pan out. There had to be more to it that daily strolls round the block? I had heard so many other mums talk of play dates, but where to find these other new mums? I had been taking the baby to get weighed every single week, but smiling and trying to make small talk had got me nowhere.

Then, a major breakthrough – a work colleague who had had her first baby 6 months prior to me dropped me a text to say she was meeting some mum friends for a picnic at a local park. This is it, I thought. My foot in the door to a new amazing life, filled with budding friendships, shared experiences, shoulders to cry on; our babies will be friends for life.

Keen to impress, I asked her what I should bring along – after all there are 2 types of picnics, a) the sharing and b) the selfie. Do I bring one dish for everyone to tuck in to? Or an adult version of a kids packed lunch for myself? She didn’t really know, just said to do whatever was easiest and we arranged to meet later.

What really answered the question of how to cater for the event, was the fact that we had bog all in the fridge for either option a) or b), and quite frankly, this was the first time since pre-motherhood I’d had to be anywhere at any given time so how I was going to get myself and baby out the door at all was going to take some divine intervention.

Then, I had a eureka moment – the route to the park was of course, past my favourite go-to. The fact I had zero cash on me wouldn’t stop me, as I could draw cash at the post office, then fill my boots (well, under pram storage compartment) with freshly baked (reheated?) goods. Go me.

Unsure of how many mums would be at the play date, I went for a nice round number – 10 sausage rolls, and a bag of cookies. Nervous, but glad to have my bakery haul, I set off to meet my new BFFs.

Lets just say, the day didn’t quite go as I planned. I had wrongly assumed that all women who had stepped into the world of parenting would be wonderfully united in the sisterhood, welcoming me with open arms. These mums didn’t do or say anything unpleasant – they just weren’t ‘my cup of tea’ I guess. All of them had older kids, off running around playing. They had therefore, by default, known each other a long time and were way beyond that needy stage of first time motherhood. They chatted about school applications and I struggled to feel I could contribute to the conversation. Those with younger babies were taking it in their stride, all looking as though they’d ‘got the T-shirt’, whereas I was barely in the ‘being there’ stage. They all wanted to sit in the sun, catching some rays, wheras I was trying to keep the pram in the shade – an uncomfortable 20 feet away.

I think what compounded my anxiety, was that this was the first time I ever had to breastfeed the baby anywhere out of my comfort zone. I knew she needed a feed and  I put it off as long as I could bear seeing her root around. Sitting there, awkwardly feeding her cross legged on the grass, I really had to fight back the tears. But, I did it, and felt a lot more relieved when she settled back into a content slumber.

But then…then, there was the picnic.

I felt the blood rushing into my cheeks, as I watched each mum pull out of their tote bags a single tupperware container of salad. By this point, there was no point trying to impress, I offered round my sweaty bag of lukewarm sausage rolls, and each lady politely declined. So I got stuck in. One after the other. I did take some home for Mr G, but definitely ate more than my fair share.

I never did see those mums again.

I did, however, go on to make friends, and survive my maternity leave without doubling in size. Probably thanks to the fact that I got so sick of sausage rolls; I have hardly touched one since that very day.

x MMT

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14 thoughts on “The sausage roll mum

  1. You Baby Me Mummy Reply

    Ah bless you, you were so lovely to think of doing something like that. It is so hard making friends post child. Glad you have made some good ones x

  2. min1980 Reply

    Ah, I have definitely been there. The awkward chit-chat with people with whom you have nothing in common except a similarly-aged child (or in your case, not so similarly aged!), the desperation to find someone to talk to, the endless trips to cafes…and the constant eating of cake/similar foodstuffs with little nutritive value. Looking back on it now, I think I was just too eager to get out of the house and didn’t realise how hard that would be with a baby who wanted feeding constantly.

    1. mummuddlingthrough Reply

      Those first few months were certainly a blur, of timing everything between feeds, wanting to go out, but not far. Craving company, but on our own terms. It was so different second time around, but it’s hard to be lonely with a 3yo who doesn’t stop talking! Thanks for reading and commenting, I think your blog is great 🙂 x MMT

  3. Caro | The Twinkles Mama Reply

    Aaah love. Things like this make me feel so sad. Why are some people so hard to be around? Particularly when you’d been so thoughtful. I never went down this route — I didn’t do NCT or playgroup — to get to know some ‘mum friends’ — I just stuck with the ones I know. Probably a wise choice when I read things like this xx Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday — hope to see you again next week! x

    Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk

    1. mummuddlingthrough Reply

      hello, thanks for the lovely comments. Don’t feel sad – if I can laugh at my own pathetic state you’re allowed to too 😉 it’s amazing how someone as confident as me in normal situations really had the stuffing knocked out of me in those first few months. I also avoided the NCT route, and found playgroups very cliquey, but I guess in time a bunch of ‘misfits’ formed our own clique! Although trying v hard to be inclusive to everyone. I always said I didn’t need new mum friends, but I did find something so supportive in finding mums with babies the same age…no experienced lectures, just all exhausted and confused together! I’ll be here next week for sure 🙂 thanks for hosting x MMT

  4. Wander Mum Reply

    Arghh that’s rubbish. Why are some women like that? Gives us all a bad name but hey ho there’s better and nicer people out there! Love that you kept going back to the cafe for sausage rolls. I remember just having to get out of the house with my newborn – going to the shops was a big adventure, right? Really well written post. Thanks for sharing #bestandworst

  5. littleoandme Reply

    This made me laugh and want to give you cuddle in equal measure! It is so hard to make ‘mummy’ friends at first, especially when it’s just a struggle to get out of the house. I would have taken one of those sausage rolls!!
    Becky xx
    #Bestandworst

  6. helen gandy Reply

    Aww I know exactly how you feel. I never really made many mummy friends when I had my first, I wish I had joined NCT in hindsight but then hindsight is wonderful thing! I have a good group of friends though so I’m not too worried. If it makes you feel better I would have eaten your sausage roll and cookies 🙂 Thanks for linking up to the #bestandworst hope you’ll stop by again!

  7. Merlinda Little (@pixiedusk) Reply

    Same reason why till now (my son is 5) I still have no friends cuz everyone has their friends already in here and I feel like an intruder in other mums friendship. Sadly I turned to food for comfort so I am how the size of the house. #TwinklyTuesday

  8. rhymingwithwine Reply

    Sausage rolls taste nicer than salad and that’s that. The other mums were secretly all overwhelmed with jealousy whilst chomping on their bits of greenery. They definitely all went home and stuffed their faces with pie as soon as nobody was watching.

    … just FYI, I would have had one of your sausage rolls too. I would have probably offered you a donut in return. :0)

  9. wonderfulandaverage Reply

    Aww, I really feel for you reading this, it seems so familiar to me. Many a time I’ve sat in a group feeling so alone and trying not to cry! I’m terrible at meeting new people and it’s even worse when they all know each other. Add in unwelcoming people, newborn exhaustion and a large dose of hormones and it’s a recipe for disaster.

    So pleased to hear that you did make a nice group of mum friends. Fortunately I managed to make friends too (god knows how!) and my little group really made my maternity leave.

    I’m afraid I would have turned down your sausage rolls, but only because I’m vegetarian. The cookies, however, are another story… 😉

  10. […] on my hideous first attempt to make ‘mummy friends’ (cringe, I hate that term, sorry) : ... mummuddlingthrough.com/2015/10/06/becoming-a-supermum-the-importance-of-a-support-network
  11. farmerswifeandmummy Reply

    This made me smile and is something I would do 🙂 do you still like them?
    I didn’t even bother trying with number 2. Those mums were a bit mean if you ask me xx

  12. Intrepid Bebe Reply

    I have had similar moment, unfortunately, just having procreated at similar times isn’t always enough in common #marvmondays

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