Mum went to the shops and bought…

Long car journeys as a kid were pretty different to those nowadays. Not so much focused on portable DVD players and tablets stocked with downloaded movies and games, a bit more reliant on long winded word association games and i-Spy books which made you feel travel sick if you looked at them too long.

Our favourite was always ‘I went to the shops and bought…’ a memory game of alphabetical alliteration which challenged the bored kids/mums-in-a-confined-space to the limit. Crazy shizzle.

Here we have a special Mum version…not that I’m bored or in a confined place. Of course not.

 

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil. Because she wanted her boobs and her nice underwear back. She may or may not have been in emotional turmoil about the decision, but ultimately felt she’d done her time.

Mum went to the shop and bought an armful of Aptamil and a big box of babywipes, because they are the multi-tool of motherhood for every most cleaning situations. Deodorant on black top, paint off walls, vom off carpet, cake off face (hers, that is).

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes and a crate of coffee which will last at least 3 days and allow some sort of functionality after 2 hours broken sleep a night.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee and a dozen bottles of Dettol. Because sometimes those baby wipes just ain’t gonna cut it. This week a whole bottle was used on one second hand toy alone.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol and an electric ear thermometer. She didn’t know she needed one until she procreated, and now she doesn’t know how she ever lived without one.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer and a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio. Her kids are now fifteen and eighteen but she cannot seem to let go of the brand loyalty.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio and a generously sized roll of generic gift-wrap. Weekends are now a busy schedule of kids parties so this cupboard staple makes her life as PA to the kids somewhat slicker.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of generic gift-wrap and a handheld hoover. Either Hansel and Gretel are lost in our house or it’s just been feeding time at the zoo…

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of generic gift-wrap, a handheld hoover and an Irresistible Indian Take Away Bag, because quite frankly she doesn’t want a kid friendly meal for her dinner, again.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away and a jar of Jam. Jam is fruit right? One of their 5 a day?…Jam sandwhich fingers were definitely on the ideal BLW list. I think.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam and a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll. I’m not convinced about this guy ‘Juan Sheet’, but ‘many sheets’ have got us out of many err ‘potty training’ situations.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll and loads of Lanolin to save our poor sore Nips (and gloss our lips too, double bonus).

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin and masses of Milk. At least 12 pints of full cream and semi skimmed, most of which will be poured down the sink or be wiped up with the baby wipes / Kitchen roll. I wonder if a better investment might be a dairy cow?

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin, masses of Milk and a never ending bag of Nappies. Ah, if only bags of Nappies were never ending, to avoid the sadness of seeing your cash literally defecated on. Thank God for Aldi, Thank you for lessening our pain.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin, masses of Milk, a never ending bag of Nappies and oodles of OXO. I don’t know why I crumble two into every meal, all I know is my Mum did it, so it shall be done. Plus, the kids like to play with the jar of shiny cubes whilst I cook. Bonus. Until mouse learnt how to unwrap them. Disaster.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin, masses of Milk, a never ending bag of Nappies, oodles of OXO and a plethora of Pasta. The basis of too many evening meals, and the saviour of Mums everywhere. The smaller the pasta, the quicker the tea, the happier the Mum.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin, masses of Milk, a never ending bag of Nappies, oodles of OXO, a plethora of Pasta and a quantum of Quavers. After all, a cheesy corn based snack ain’t gonna hurt anyone every now and again, right?

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin, masses of Milk, a never ending bag of Nappies, oodles of OXO, a plethora of Pasta, a quantum of Quavers and reams of Raisins. Forget those cutesy snack time boxes, we are talking bakers bulk buy bags. Saving the mental state of mums in queues everywhere. Never leave the house without them.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin, masses of Milk, a never ending bag of Nappies, oodles of OXO, a plethora of Pasta, a quantum of Quavers, reams of Raisins and a superabundance of Sauce. Tomato variety. The kids may even like some real food to accompany their ketchup based meal one day.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin, masses of Milk, a never ending bag of Nappies, oodles of OXO, a plethora of Pasta, a quantum of Quavers, reams of Raisins, a superabundance of Sauce and tonnes of Tea. Y’know, just to mix up the caffeine intake a little. It’s a fine excuse for a biscuit too, just to keep Mums strength up.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin, masses of Milk, a never ending bag of Nappies, oodles of OXO, a plethora of Pasta, a quantum of Quavers, reams of Raisins, a superabundance of Sauce, tonnes of Tea and some unbelievable underwear. Hold it in jobbies, hold them up bras, date-night duo’s and Mum pants. They all have a place in our hearts, and our undies drawer. Mum hid the bags.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin, masses of Milk, a never ending bag of Nappies, oodles of OXO, a plethora of Pasta, a quantum of Quavers, reams of Raisins, a superabundance of Sauce, tonnes of Tea, some unbelievable underwear and a vanload of vegetables. Yes, the kids need to eat them, but HOW is another question. At least buying them is halfway there.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin, masses of Milk, a never ending bag of Nappies, oodles of OXO, a plethora of Pasta, a quantum of Quavers, reams of Raisins, a superabundance of Sauce, tonnes of Tea, some unbelievable underwear, a vanload of vegetables and WINE (Red, white, pink, fizzy). No explanation necessary.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin, masses of Milk, a never ending bag of Nappies, oodles of OXO, a plethora of Pasta, a quantum of Quavers, reams of Raisins, a superabundance of Sauce, tonnes of Tea, some unbelievable underwear, a vanload of vegetables, WINE and X Ray vision. This is an imaginary shop you see, and Mum can buy anything she needs… and she definitely needs this from time to time.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin, masses of Milk, a never ending bag of Nappies, oodles of OXO, a plethora of Pasta, a quantum of Quavers, reams of Raisins, a superabundance of Sauce, tonnes of Tea, some unbelievable underwear, a vanload of vegetables, WINE, X Ray vision and years more youth. You see, I told you it was a magical shop.

Mum went to the shops and bought an armful of Aptamil, a big box of baby-wipes, a crateful of coffee, a dozen bottles of Dettol, an electric ear thermometer, a five litre bottle of Fairy Non Bio, a generously sized roll of gift-wrap, a handheld hoover, an Irresistible Indian Take Away, a jar of Jam, a kerjillion rolls of Kitchen roll, loads of Lanolin, masses of Milk, a never ending bag of Nappies, oodles of OXO, a plethora of Pasta, a quantum of Quavers, reams of Raisins, a superabundance of Sauce, tonnes of Tea, some unbelievable underwear, a vanload of vegetables, WINE, X Ray vision, Years more youth and zillions of Zzzzzzzz’s. Mummy definitely deserves a rest after all that shopping, cooking, cleaning, caring and wine.

X MMT

Mumzilla
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5 thoughts on “Mum went to the shops and bought…

  1. Mouse, Moo and Me Too Reply

    You needn’t have worried, this is very funny! Why does wine have to come so near the end of the alphabet though? Although thinking about it, you wouldn’t want to be in charge of THAT shopping trolley while completely tanked up. Thanks for linking to #Chucklemums, hope to see you next week!

  2. twicemicrowavedtea Reply

    Haha, sounds like a typical shop for me (minus the underwear, youth, x-ray vision and zzzs, although they would be very nice too!). #chucklemums

  3. mumzilla Reply

    Sounds like our weekly shop! 😀 Thanks for linking up with #chucklemums lovely xx

  4. min1980 Reply

    This is genius-although I got very confused towards the end. All too much for my frazzled mum-brain, I think! It literally took me ages to work out how the game worked. Been a long day. #chucklemums

  5. Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine Reply

    Loved this! My daughter unwrapped six oxo cubes yesterday to make cakes out of while I was upstairs putting the small one down for a nap and failing. It wasn’t a fun clean up op. #chucklemums

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