The green eyed Mumster

Someone once told me not to feel bad about feeling envy, for it is a basic human emotion; caused simply by wanting something which another person has.

Whilst I have tried to believe this, it’s hard to be at peace with that feeling of bitterness which rises up from within all too often. I know I’m not alone here.

 

 

“I won’t be at the park today gang – I’m off to a Spa day”

Whilst externally it’s so easy to say “Fabulous, have fun!”, internally it’s hard not to get the violins out for poor old me. A spa day is of course the Mum fantasy of dreams, so it’s kinda tempting to scream out “TAKE ME WITH YOU”.

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“We won’t be around this half term – off to the Maldives for some Winter Sun!”

I mean, we wouldn’t even entertain travelling long haul with the kids, so I don’t know why it suddenly seems to be the one thing all important after hearing other people’s holiday plans? I guess it’s all those memories of far flung holidays in the days pre-kids flooding the school-run-in-the-rain-frazzled-mum-brain.

“My husband is amazing,  he does all the cooking / cleaning / lets me lay in every day / gets up with the kids etc etc etc….”

“My other half does an incredible roast for us all every Sunday with all the trimmings…”

Really? Jeez, I need to have words with the hubby. Unless a Roast can be barbecued or comes in a box with instructions to cook at 180 degrees for 15 minutes that’s unlikely to be happening anytime soon.

“I just got back from our annual long weekend with the girls. It was such a laugh, best place ever…”

Right that’s it, I am SO going to organise a girly weekend away, maybe for next year. Although I’m sure I said that last year?

“The new house is great but it needs so much work doing to it. We’ll probably start in the loft conversion, work down to the cellar- snug and finish off with the summer house and maybe an outdoor play area.”

Another forever home. Also known as ‘We are incredibly richer than you home’. It’s all too easy to get on the house envy band wagon. As soon as you’ve bought your first / second / third home, finished the renovation, and even installed your dream kitchen, you’ll soon be drooling over someone else’s latest purchase and wishing (just a tiny bit) it was yours.

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“It’s date night this weekend, well actually rather a day date Saturday morning to Sunday night…the grandparents love having the kids so much, I don’t even know what we’re going to do with ourselves”.

I know, I know….they’re our kids, our responsibility and we love them. But some people have the childcare support thing so damn good don’t they?!

“I’m pretty lucky really. My little one just loves lentils and steamed fish. They just CANNOT get enough of Kale.”

Kale dipped in ketchup, disguised in breadcrumbs as nuggets, surely?

 

But then again, I remember once upon a time the Green Eyed Monster used to crop up in totally different circumstances…

“We have some exciting news!”

“It wasn’t even planned!”

Yes, it’s fair to say that monster lurking inside is somewhat of a shapeshifter. There was definitely a time I’d have given pretty much anything to have had my nights out, weekends away, me time traded in for a tiny sleep thief of my very own.

And not too long after that, it felt the only thing that would make our life complete was a sibling for our first born.

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And anyway, whilst we are all so busy trying to contain our Mum-envy, who knows to whom WE might be the focus of someone else’s jealousy. The envious becomes the enviee (made up word alert).

Lovely home, lovely family, able to take a career break, incredible friends, a decent social-family life balance, a pretty perfect hubby…yeah it’s probably time to kick that ugly well-jel alter ego to the kerb. Remember, a bit of ‘wanting what someone else has’ is totally natural, we are all only human, but be focused on all the good stuff we got going on right under our own nose.

Yes, I definitely feel so much better after working this through with you guys.

“Our kids didn’t get up until 10.30am on Saturday morning!”

I hate you.

x MMT

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My Petit Canard
This Mum's Life

 

 

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34 thoughts on “The green eyed Mumster

  1. chilliregina Reply

    What a great post! The hidden thoughts probably everyone feels sometimes. Envy..But it is just a superficial feeling, the one that goes up in smoke when you look closely at who you envy..Grass is always greener on the other side – until you walk on it. Then you see it is just as green as it is on your backyard;).

  2. theintolerantmum Reply

    Haha! I liked your ending! Very true, I think we all have reasons to be jealous and equally I’m sure people are jealous of you for things you don’t even notice about yourself or take for granted. #marvmonday

  3. babiesbiscuitsandbooze Reply

    I love this, it is all too easy to get sucked into a jealous funk! But you’re totally right that so many people probably envy what you have, too. My biggest thing at the moment is being jealous of spontaneous nights out…remember spontaneity?!! But it is perfectly natural and I think it was my mum who said you can’t help feeling jealousy but you can choose not to act upon it – so, as with most things, if you’re being kind you’re doing ok! #bigpinklink

  4. Winnettes Reply

    Envy is definitely a normal emotion. Im forever looking at the next expensive holiday that we can’t afford because I heard the word St. Lucia dropped into s strangers conversation.
    #BigPinkLink

  5. Shinners and the Brood Reply

    Love this post! It’s so easy to want what other people have. The help on tap from family and grandparents always gets to me and don’t get me started on houses! You are so right when you say that others would probably love to have something that we have. No harm in reminded ourselves every so often to be grateful. Really enjoyed reading this. It has helped me keep my own green-eyes monster in check. For today! #bigpinklink

  6. alifeinpracticeblog.com Reply

    This is brilliant, really well written, so funny! I know exactly this feeling! We are struggling atm with things being extremely tight financially, but I try to remind myself that just because we couldn’t afford a holiday this year while someone we know had 3, we still have a house, two cars and two beautiful children. They went to a theme park/day out/fancy dinner again? third time this week? Well we still have food on our table and a safe roof over our heads. It is so so hard sometimes not to feel envious of those sorts of people, even when reminding yourself of your blessings, but I still try!! xx #bigpinklink

  7. min1980 Reply

    LOVED this post. Hilarious as always, but really made me think. I am TERRIBLE about feeling jealous of everybody for everything. Just a brief list of all the things I am jealous of other people having: houses bigger than mine (or any houses really, since I am still in house buying hell), cars, the ability to drive said cars, husbands, more than one child, natural births, not having to work, husbands, blogging awards… It is a continuous battle to remind myself that a) just because someone has a husband/house/blogging award does not mean that their lives are 24/7 party time, and anyway, I am extremely lucky in many other ways. I have a supportive family, career, child, etc, that loads of people would love to have and are probably jealous of me. And that bit at the end about being jealous of people with kids-that was 100% me too. I’m sure that even if I was a millionaire I would still find something to be jealous of! #bigpinklink

  8. bridiebythesea Reply

    This is such a fab post! I am with you here – I don’t mean to but sometimes when my NCT friends harp on about their garden landscaping (no garden here as couldn’t afford it!) and general renovating in their houses, I’m sat here wondering if I’m the only one with a toddler that has raisins embedded in the floors and mess everywhere?! I think you’re right though, it is a natural emotion and we have to allow ourselves to be ok with feeling it from time to time xx #bigpinklink

  9. The Kitschy Mumma Reply

    I get seriously envious of people who can just get home from work and sit down to do, nothing! I’m also envious of my friends who bring a massive lunchbox of fruit and veg wherever they go because their kids LOVE it. My daughter will only eat fruit at nursery. Great post, one I’m sure most parents can identify with #coolmumclub

  10. beautybabyandme Reply

    Fantastic post – as always! I am often hit with Mum envy especially when it comes to my friends having these lovely babies that actually sleep through! But I also had a friend recently say to me how jealous she is of me and my life, something that I hadn’t even considered. It’s funny, the grass isn’t always greener. We just have to realise what we’ve got in front of us (whilst praying for a lie in!!) xxx #coolmumclub

  11. alisonlonghurst Reply

    Love this! It’s absolutely spot on. Honest in every way. Alison x #coolmumclub

  12. Ashley Reply

    Hahaha!! This is great! So true and funny! I find myself answering with “I hate you” in my head quite often! #coolmumsclub

  13. Tall Mum in Manchester Reply

    Great post – it’s so hard not to compare to other mums. How they are getting on, how they and their children are dressed etc. I just console myself with the fact that if everything looks perfect on the outside, it’s probably not! #coolmumclub

  14. motherhoodtherealdeal Reply

    Ha ha the green eyed monster finally outed! I think we all have these thoughts sometimes it’s just that not everyone is as honest as you! #coolmumclub loving! xxx

  15. Island Living 365 Reply

    Ahahahaha. LOVE THIS! I have full on green-eyed envy all of the time! Especially when it comes to people actually managing to escape the rock! I am always tempted to climb into their suitcase like Paddington Bear with a little note round my neck – return to Yorkshire, home of mushy peas :- ) #Coolmumclub

  16. Mess and merlot Reply

    Ha! Remember people only ever broadcast the good stuff! “Comparison is the thief of joy.”— Theodore Roosevelt #coolmumclub

  17. Donna Reply

    This is me, I know I have lots of things other people want. But I want all their stuff!! #coolmumsclub

  18. Kirsten Toyne Reply

    We all suffer from envy, no matter what anyone says. It is useful because it is not about the other person but it tells us about our desires. Some things are obvious. ‘My child sleeps through the night’ when yours doesn’t – well it is because you need sleep. But we might envy someone who has a big house not because we want one but because we assume that they have no financial worries or we might envy someone their career or for being a SAHM, not because we want to do the same as them, but because the balance in our lives isn’t right for us. It is a great learning tool when we dig into what it is we really envy and what it means about us. Great post. #coolmumclub

  19. No Manual to Mummy Reply

    Great, funny post. Made me laugh and feel a prang of jealousy reading certain ones. Ah to have a simple, perfect life. I think it’s just natural for us to be happy for those people who secretly wish it was us instead haha! So easy to relate too. #coolmumclub

  20. Amie Richards Reply

    Ha I love this! I think all parents have probably experienced this! #coolmumclub

  21. letyourlightshinemummy Reply

    This made me laugh, love those comments about kids sleeping in Grrr. Everyone else does always seem to be having the best time don’t they. I’m sure in reality they aren’t, but you don’t always want to hear it. #coolmumclub

  22. Amina Reply

    I definitely feel like a green eyed mumster 90% of the time. Especially at dinner times! But your post has made me feel less guilty about it. Wonder when I will start feeling less envious? Maybe when the kids start having more sleepovers!
    Amina xx | http://www.aliandher.com

  23. Angela Watling Reply

    Brilliant! Such a good post. Both true and funny 🙂 I’ve had a bit of Gree-Eyed Mumster over the last couple of weeks but you’re right, everything comes at a price and I’ve got it pretty good as far as most are concerned.

    “Kale dipped in ketchup, disguised in breadcrumbs as nuggets, surely?” made me snort my tea. I don’t know why but it tickled me!

    #CoolMumClub

  24. Claire @sandbmama2015 Reply

    There’s nothing wrong with a little green eyed monster once in a while. It happens to the best of us. #coolmumclub

  25. mumof3 Reply

    Love this and can totally relate! I’m sure we all do it. But I read somewhere that we’re always comparing someone else’s edited highlights of their lives to our own blooper tape – especially interacting with people on social media. People usually tend to share the positive stuff in their lives but who knows what else is going on… it’s always a good reality check to learn that someone else feels jealous of us. #coolmumclub

  26. thishappenedtometoday Reply

    Yeah I get this. I guess we all do. The grass is always greener as they say. Oh what I wouldn’t do for a proper holiday and some nice clothes, a bigger house, a cleaner!!!

    Oh but my husband is a good cook 🙂 so I win there!
    #coolmumclub

  27. wendy Reply

    Love this, such a well written post and one I can totally relate too. Sometimes I look at the loves of my child free friends and get so jealous of the freedom they have but then I look at my boy and I realise there is no way I’d ever trade him in for a luxury holiday or a spa day and he is worth missing out on these things. I wouldn’t mind a lie in though!xx #coolmumclub

  28. Jordanne | Thelifeofaglasgowgirl Reply

    Such a True post, sometimes containing the envy is hard and I hate when it happens! I just need to remind myself that I already have so much to be thankful for. #coolmumclub

    Jordanne || Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk

  29. Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love) Reply

    Love this – so very true. We all have moments of having mum envy and yes I can well remember those days when I was intensely jealous of when it seemed like everyone else was announcing pregnancies apart from me! Now it’s all about wanting spa days, a better support network and the perfect home but I think no matter what we have there will always be a little of thinking that the grass is greener. It’s when I stop to appreciate what I have that I realise that I really do have all I need – I just need to focus on what I have rather than what I haven’t. But being able to lie in until 10.30am would be utterly blissful…! #coolmumclub

  30. My Petit Canard Reply

    I love this post! Its so true. Theres always something that someone else seems to have a slightly better deal than you. But its so important like you said to be grateful for what we do have, and im sure if we look hard enough, theres probably something we have that is slightly better than how someone else has it 😉 Thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays. Emily

  31. sabrina Reply

    Ahhhh I can relate! The holiday thing especially! I don’t know why, it’s not as I would have gone abroad with kids, but hearing about other people going abroad brings out the worst in me lol! Human nature, eh?!
    #MarvMondays

  32. tammymum Reply

    Ah this is so true. It is human nature we always want what someone else has. We aspire for things people have already achieved. But someone somewhere will always have something, bigger, better or just something you want. Equally there will be someone looking at you with the same envy. I guess we just have to try and keep ourselves grounded about it and remember that what we have ain’t all bad either xx #coolmumclub

  33. crummymummy1 Reply

    I’ve definitely come across all of these in some shape or form at some stage. But at the same time you never know who might envy you! #coolmumclub

  34. artsgirlviews Reply

    This is fabulous! It’s made my day and made me feel so much better about my failings!

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