Turning into my Mum

It’s been creeping up on me for a while now. Recognising certain mannerisms in myself which are all too familiar, especially as I go through the motions of everyday tasks. A strange sensation, almost like Déjà vu – that you are acting out something which has already happened before.

I’m not even talking about significant moments or events  – this butterfly effect feels present in the most mundane of actions. In my thoughts, my words, my movements; in the very being of my core, I feel like I’m slowly turning into my Mother. Which for the record, is no bad thing, because she is a pretty special lady.

I think we all project our own childhood experiences onto our parenting style in a way. Maybe we are all, slowly turning into a tweaked version of our Mothers. So, from really early on I was already adopting some of those key life skills that my incredibly maternal role model passed on to me, and continues to every single day.

She’s a total pro in comparison to me, having raised four children, worked in children’s homes, as a childminder, in an Autism unit and with vulnerable children in a primary school. She’s experienced tragedy beyond my comprehension and yet always lends her matriarchal strength to anyone in need of it.

She’s not perfect. Who is? But in my eyes she’s pretty damn close. She is the one person you would want in any crisis, yet for all her strengths she is so human – a listener as well as a talker, our Mum, our friend, our rock. She’s pretty direct, another characteristic I may or may not have inherited from my maternal line.

This past Christmas I cooked my first ever Christmas dinner for my own family. It was like I had come of age, the day oozing with family traditions of Christmas past and as I shook the tray of spuds wearing my new Christmas frock, sipping on a vodka and pink russian it hit me like a tonne of bricks. This is a rite of passage. She has become a part of me. And, as I looked down to my two girls watching on, asking if dinner is ready, I realised this moment will one day dawn on those bright eyes too.

My own Nanny passed away when I was very young, so sadly I have no memories of her. I have always loved hearing the stories of her through others, and I’ve always felt a sense of duty to learn those recipes her recipes that my Mum is legendary for. I’m a bit sentimental like that.

And so, with the necessary signature dishes under my belt, I’m ready to pass the baton. My girls will know how to make a roux based cheese sauce, and a [family name] chocolate cake to be served at every birthday. They will make the gravy our way, and add two oxos and a dash of Lea and Perrins to every savoury dish. Their yorkshires will be tall, and their trifles will be deep (and contain no sherry thank you very much).

But will they answer the phone in a broad Yorkshire accent, even though they are 4th generation residing in the south east?

Will they holiday in Broadstairs, like their Mum, and her Mum before them? Will they adore it for its quaintness and feel a part of something special, like being home?

I can’t see the future. But I can feel the here and now…I can see her folding laundry, chatting to me as I mirror her movements; day in, day out.

And I can drink tea. Together, we can drink a shed load of tea. Before we pop out. When we get back. While we are there. I’m thinking about my next cup of tea whilst I’m drinking a cup of tea. I believe I have foetal tea addiction, inherited from you know who.

Of late, we have shared another common trait. I truly believe that if she had a hope in hells chance of navigating the technical side, she would make an incredible blogger. She is quite the lyrical gangster; in a writing comedy lyrics to well known songs for school plays kind of way. Her complaint letters, her bereavement cards, her poems are something to behold. Her ability to translate her warmth, her emotion and her tone into a written form – I love to believe that’s another Mumism growing strong within me. She even won a prize for a poem she knocked up in 10 minutes just before Christmas. Total legend.

On the morning of my wedding day, the letter she gave me, to let me know how much I meant to her (before it’s too late to tell me – yeah we are both pretty morbid at times) will always be one of my most precious Mother-Daughter moments. It was deep and emotional, but we love deep and emotional. In fact we could talk for hours, and often do.

So Mum, here it is, my reply. You know, before it’s too late.

I am so proud of you, and everything you do for everyone else. For everything you have done for me. Guiding me through so many times I’d have been lost without you. (Even when I called from the fast lane of the motorway, broken down). Know that I will always be your cheese sauce making, tea drinking, posh dress on Christmas day wearing, Turkey dripping on toast eating, epic complaint letter writing, Broadstairs loving, matriarchal successor. But you’re going to be holding the reigns for a long time yet, because I still have so much to learn from you.

And we have two more apprentices, coming up through the ranks…

x MMT

 

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37 thoughts on “Turning into my Mum

  1. Nicole Reply

    I absolutely love this post. So touching, so refreshing, so meaningful.
    #coolmumclub

  2. Mummy Muckups (Anna) Reply

    What a fantastic role model she is, as I’m sure you are to your daughters. I really need to work on my cheese sauce. #coolmumclub

  3. franbackwithabump Reply

    Your mum sounds amazing. Its funny how as we get older we appreciate our mums more and certain ways of doing things. My husband just rolls his eyes when I come out with odd traditions as knows it came from my mum who he never had the pleasure of meeting. Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub

  4. Briony Reply

    That’s just beautiful. Your mum sounds like a great lady! #coolmumclub

  5. everycloudmummy Reply

    This is absolutely lovely! Beautifully written, your mum sounds like an incredible lady x

  6. beautybabyandme Reply

    This is so gorgeous. There’s nothing like the bond between a girl and her Mumma! It sounds like you’ve been led by the absolute best example of a mother you could wish for and goes to show why you’re such an amazing person xx #coolmumclub

  7. Lucy At Home Reply

    Oh I love this! I’m really sentimental too and the family recipes are top secret treasures. Being a Yorkshire girl myself, I’m pleased that your accents are still holding up! Hehe. My mum is my inspiration. I had no idea about how much she sacrificed for me, until I had to start doing it for my own kids. And your mum sounds amazing! #CoolMumClub

  8. Chilli Regina Reply

    Beautiful post. Ode to your mum.She sounds like an amazing woman. I think I will call my mum just to say I love her:), you’ve brought sentimental feelings to the surface;)) x #coolmumclub

  9. Ursula (AKA Mumbelievable) Reply

    What a stunning love letter to your precious mum. Having read this it’s clear why you’re such a diamond. Beautiful. #coolmumclub

  10. motherhoodtherealdeal Reply

    This is such a lovely post my dear and such a lovely tribute to your well deserving mum….sending lots of #coolmumclub love your way xoxo

  11. Confessions of a working mum Reply

    What a lovely post. I’m more aware thsn ever now how much of my mum is in me but also how hard she had it bringing me and my brother up on her own. I totally have a new found respect for her. Unfortunately she can’t cook for toffee so no skills to be passed down there! x #coolmumclub

  12. thetaleofmummyhood Reply

    This really is lovely, it’s great that you have such a good relationship with your mum.

    #coolmumclub

  13. itsmeanniebee Reply

    This is lovely.
    It’s such a shame we only REALLY appreciate our mums as we get older, not just what they’ve done but who they are, the lessons they’ve taught us without us even realising.
    I hope my children look up to me like that one day #coolmumclub

  14. Becki Reply

    That’s so beautiful! My mother and I have had a bumpy relationship over the years, but we’re in a good place now. We’re very, very different people and it took me until I was in my mid-twenties to realise that was OK. She’s been amazing with my son – I can’t imagine how I would have got through being a first time parent without her. I’m going to take the time to make sure she knows it, too. #coolmumclub

  15. Mess and merlot Reply

    Aww this is so nice, you obviously have a brilliant relationship with your Mum. She sounds pretty awesome from your description plus the tea thing – well I too am a serial cuppa-chugger, if I’m not drinking one I’m waiting for the kettle to boil! 😉 #CoolMumClub

  16. Rainbows are too beautiful Reply

    We live only 2 miles from mother-in-law and about 600 from my mum. I’m turning into both – it’s shocking and hilarious! #coolmumclub

  17. Sunita Reply

    Oh what a post MMT. Yep I’m def similar to my mum too (yikes, but there’s lot of good bits too of course). When my girls get married (if they’re allowed) then I’d love to write them a letter. xx #coolmumclub

  18. Ami MyMummySpam Reply

    Beautifully written. It’s so lovely that you have this kind of relationship with your mum. I feel the same…I hear myself saying things and sound like my mum but that’s not a bad thing…in fact I quite welcome it 🙂

  19. Cheryl @ Tea or Wine Reply

    Oh that’s made me get a bit teary!! Your mum sounds like a star and strangely enough I recognised some similar traits in my mum (she too can drink tea by the gallon and as a published author is quite the wordsmith – also at writing poems!). I think we all go through this moment of realising that we might be turning into our mums. But that’s in no way necessarily a bad thing! Here’s to our mums and to turning out as well as them!! Xx

  20. crummymummy1 Reply

    I have well and truly turned into my mum – I tick every box! #coolmumclub

  21. tinmccarthy Reply

    My mom is my best friend- and really the kids’ best friend too. She practically LIVES here.
    #coolmumsclub

  22. mommyandmadness Reply

    So beautiful. So good to have a close relationship with your mother, good luck to the 2 apprentices, sure they’ll do a great job! #coolmumclub

  23. Aleena Brown Reply

    I’ve been noticing the same recently too, and also did my first family Christmas roast in 2016 which really cemented it for me. High five, mum! #coolmumclub

  24. and Jacob makes three Reply

    This is a beautiful post. It makes me think I should tell my mum how much I love her. #coolmumclub

  25. Winnettes Reply

    This is so lovely! You are obviously both so close. Sherry in trifle is so disgusting!
    #coolmumclub

  26. Rice Cakes and Raisins Reply

    What a beautiful post #coolmumclub

  27. lisagraham1 Reply

    This is such a lovely post, I often find myself saving things to my kids that my mum said to me. Or how our mannerisms are the same. #coolmumclub

  28. five little doves Reply

    This is so beautiful! You sound like you have an amazing relationship with your mum and this explains how you became to be such a wonderful, kind, strong Mummy yourself. Gorgeous. #coolmumclub

  29. Peachy Reply

    That is a lovely tribute to your mother. I’m sure she loved reading it. #coolmumclub

  30. Elaine Betteridge Reply

    This is lovely! I’m definitely morphing into my mum and it’s no bad thing 🙂 And I definitely get my party planning skills from her, no one does a buffet like she does 😉 #coolmumsclub

  31. New Mummy Blog Reply

    I LOVE it. I’m also crying! Lol, I think I feel like this too, we have our traditions too, and oh is be lost without my mum. So well written xx #coolmumclub

  32. Lisa Pomerantz Reply

    What an honest and beautiful post from one mama to her mama, and touching al us mama’s in the meantime! Bella! #coolmumclub xoxo You are a lucky lady!

  33. Helena Reply

    What a lovely heartfelt post. Here’s to many more years together. #coolmumclub

  34. Mum in Brum Reply

    Beautiful! Your mum sounds like a total legend. If I’m half the mum my mum is then I’ll be happy with that xx #coolmumclub

  35. Jo (Mother of Teenagers) Reply

    This is a lovely tribute to your mum. As we all naturally become so absorbed in the role of being a mother ourselves, it is so easy to forget the enormous role our mothers play in shaping the type of mother we become and as you say it is a generational thing. #coolmumclub

  36. Manny Reply

    A beautiful post! I have one scheduled about turning into my mum too but completely the opposite of what you’ve spoken about lol

    Thank you for a lovely read. I wish I had a mother-daughter relationship like yours. I grew up with dad (my parents separated when I was young) so I envy that special bond. I have my own daughter now so defo going to try and be the best mum for her 🙂 xx

  37. Something About Baby Reply

    This is such a lovely, lovely post. I am completely turning in to my mum and it’s definitely not a bad thing. We have recently lost my nan (my mum’s mum) and there are so many things I wish I’d asked her or learnt from her, so I am going to make sure I learn it all from my mum now while I still can, for me to pass down to my children #coolmumclub

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