Like every other human being on this planet, even mothers sometimes screw up. Every parent always finds themselves striving to do right by their children and that means that sometimes you may find it hard to gather the courage to apologise to your children when you make mistakes.
Although we adults apologise to one another, most adults may find it hard to extend the same gesture to their kids. You may not have the guts to apologise to your children because you fear to lose your ground, you feel vulnerable admitting your mistake or because your pride holds you back.
Sometimes we find ourselves yelling at our kids because they can be cheeky at times especially if they belong to almost the same age bracket. The situation can even be worse especially if you have twins because they’ll be everywhere in the house doing this and that, and there is a high chance that they could be doing a destructive activity that may irritate you as their mother and make you angry. If you yell at your kids when doing something wrong, it is good to apologise to them.
Despite the challenges hindering you from apologising to your children, I am convinced that doing so will provide several benefits both for you and your children. Here is why:
- Apologising is nurturing
Being apologetic to your children whenever you have gone wrong will strengthen the bond between you and your children. According to Regina Kupecky, a social worker at the Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio, being a parent who admits his or her wrongs to your children means that you will nurture more and control less.
You may get stressed and overwhelmed at times when you lose it and scream at your children. It’s normal to lose it sometimes when you are a parent to playful and stubborn children. However, you can make the guilt of shouting at your kids go away by taking a few deep breaths, regrouping and apologising.
This is because extending your sincere apologies afterwards will remind your kids that you do care about their feelings.
- Apologising teaches your kids the importance of saying sorry
The best way to teach your children good behaviours is to model that behaviour so that they can learn from you. By apologising to your kids whenever you wrong them, they will learn how and when to apologise. This works better rather than forcing your kids to always say sorry.
- Apologising to your children will humble you
As parents, we are constantly making mistakes and learning from them. By being apologetic to our children, we will remind ourselves of just how much we have to learn. As we guide and nurture our kids, we also make mistakes, sometimes to our children.
While apologising will not undo the mistakes that you have made, it will at least show your children how sorry you are, whether they can understand your words or have to rely on your tone and body language.
- Apologising will make you feel better
Most mothers will admit that being a mother is much harder than they ever imagined it could be. I used to think that once I become a mum, I could perfect every craft and that I was not going to make mistakes. When I finally became a mother, sometimes I could wallow in my feelings of self-doubt whenever I did not meet my own parenting standards.
However, when I learnt about the importance of apologising to my children, I started to focus on my children instead of myself. In the end, the shift of focus to my children made all of us feel better.
How you can teach your children to apologise
Below are the 4 step playbook that can help you to teach your kids to apologise:
- Always be genuine
You need to make sure that your apology is genuine. This is because if your kids notice that you just want to apologise because you just want to get it over with, your apology is likely to miss the mark. You should, therefore, reevaluate the situation so that you are sure that you are genuinely sorry before making an apology.
- Avoid making excuses
Kids learn a lot from what we do than from what we say. Therefore, you should stop making excuses for your mistakes if you don’t want your kids to be making excuses for their behaviours.
- Take responsibility
When you make a mistake to your children, before you make an apology, you should be ready to make things right. For example, you promised to do something for them, and you forgot, you will need to reschedule and circle back to your initial promise.
- Don’t control your children’s response
Ideally, you expect that when you deliver your apology, your kid should say,” I forgive you” and everything will be back to normal. Well, sometimes the conversation may not go as you expected. Your child may not accept your apology. It’s important to know that you can’t control how your child will receive your apology hence you should not get angry when they refuse to accept your apology.
Apologising to your children will show them that you do care about their feelings and will also teach them to be adults who take responsibilities for their mistakes instead of giving excuses as they will follow your lead.
Author Bio: My name is Kristi and I’m the mother of 3 beautiful angels, founder of Intelligentmother.com. This blog was created in order to share experiences baby care, health care for pregnant women. You can find many interesting insights. Problems – Solved!