#coolmumclub: Meet the Members…Motherhood the Real Deal

If you are a regular at the #coolmumclub linky, then our next guest blogger for Meet the Members will be no stranger (unless you have been living under a rock?). My co-hostess with the mostess, Talya (@motherhoodreal), aka Motherhood the real deal. Her blog posts are always a breath of fresh air, a haven for Mothers seeking about a bit of realism on the whole parenting thang. They are often likely to make you splurt out your coffee all over your smartphone, or want to give her a virtual Hell Yeah High Five. 

#coolmumclub wouldn’t be the same without her! I am honoured to feature her on the blog today…

Psst. She’s just published a proper e book too…check it out here.

x MMT

 

 Please find attached the (tongue in cheek) psychological assessment for T. Stone.
 

NAME: Talya Stone
DATE OF BIRTH: The year your folks were watching Dallas and listening to Blondie
ADDRESS: La La Land
COUNTY COURT: Court – what court?
CASE NO No number, merely prefix with the word, “head”
CLAIMANT SOLICITOR Toddler-in-residence
REFERENCE: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
DEFENDANT INSURERS: Amazon.co.uk which rescues me from everything!
REFERENCE: The high queen of pop, Madonna
REPORT DATED: January 2016

(1) INTRODUCTION

(1.1) THE WRITER

I am Miss Stone. I am a Chartered Clinical Entertainer, musical maestro, wordsmith and mummy not-so extraordinaire. My specialist field is motherhood trauma an area within which I have worked – scratch that – survived – over the past  two and half. Full details of my qualifications entitling me to give expert opinion and evidence are set out on the page entitled GO STICK IT.

(1.2) INSTRUCTIONS

The case concerns an accident when I became a mother on 6th June 2013, developed a who knew persona , suffered personal injury and memory loss, and had my brain and previous life melted away. I have been jointly instructed by the land of parenthood and what went before to investigate for the court whether the claimant, which also happens to be myself, has suffered a formal brain falling out of ear condition as a result.
(2) INVESTIGATION

(2.1) INTERVIEW

DATE OF INTERVIEW: January 2016

(2.1.1) ON EXAMINATION

Miss Stone presented entirely appropriately and gave a clear and consistent account of the accident (yeah right!!) and its impact upon her. She was clearly distressed by her level of anxiety in relation to her once free spirit self, who loved to belly dance, drink Jaeger bombs, play the piano for hours on end, read a book on the bog, flit around the world travelling, own it like the Editor in Chief for the online lifestyle platform she was once in charge of in the far off lands of Singapore – before she came crashing back down to earth – and Blighty – with a thump, at the iron fist of parenthood.

(2.1.2) THE INCIDENT AND SUBSEQUENT DEVELOPMENTS

On the 13th June 2015 an incredible force of the world entered Miss Stone’s life. Much likened to a car crash but somehow ensuing in the most incredible yet mind boggling force of a child that ever existed on planet earth. The brakes weren’t working and she careered into the driveway as if she was driving a lorry. “Oh no, I can’t cope with this” occupied her thoughts for much of the first year of her life. As she swung from sleepless nights to flashbacks of her former self.

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Feelings of distress, joy and confusion persisted in the aftermath of the event. Miss Stone attempted to seek out the answers for herself, and some illumination on the scenes that she came face to face with in the weeks and months after this fateful night. It seemed nobody had the answers, or they were all covering up evidence, what the aftermath of the incident – experienced by so many other women – really was. She recalled feeling  “totally pathetic”, and unable to control her emotions. Unfortunately, you can not call the police for this sort of thing, so she decided to start a blog instead. Over the course of the year, through collective debate and the unravelling of motherhood mysteries within the bloggersphere, she later returned back to sanity with her long suffering partner, Mr C.

She was aware of an overwhelming sense of vulnerability that so many mothers out there seemed to experience at any given time in motherhood, and that the never ending mysteries of motherhood deserved an honest voice. And so Motherhood: The Real Deal was born projecting vivid and often intrusive images of the global accident – strike – incident –  that is commonly known as motherhood.

Miss Stone has not been able to avoid blogging the truth about motherhood and parenthood since, amd generally endures this situation with a dizzying mix of thrill and dread. She lives as an isolated idiot trying to master the intensity of her reaction which fluctuates depending on her experiences and numbers of tantrums on the day. If she is lucky she might be able to sneak in some zumba, yoga, ASOS, ukuele playing, a glass of wine and cake. Sometimes she is able to make the journey throughout the day without having to stop and compose herself.

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Other than trying to avoid any daily calamities, she also tries to avoid whinge bags, mum-judgers, smug people and anyone boring.

As a result of her incident her social life has been considerably curtailed. Whereas she used to see friends, she now no longer does so. She generally prefers to remain at home with her socks and slippers spending hours on Amazon and whilst she will occasionally go out to town if necessary, she will avoid doing so if at all possible with her toddler. She is exceedingly wary of other mums around, who do not fall into the imperfect parenting category. She feels that she is constantly looking for mums like her who keep it real, but find that few are to be found since the incident.  She hopes she will meet more at Brit Mums this year.
(2.2) PREVIOUS PERSONAL HISTORY

Miss Stone was born in suburbia, Surrey. She has one sister. She was a bit of a geek at school asking for extra homework (WTF!?) whilst still somehow passing off as cool. She danced and played music through her youth before the clubs and boys started calling and then she blurred into a hot mess of everything at university to study everything apart from International Business Studies.  She climbed the Three Peaks once but that really was nothing compared to what she experienced in childbirth.

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42 thoughts on “#coolmumclub: Meet the Members…Motherhood the Real Deal

  1. Robyn Reply

    Brilliantly entertaining, but I wouldn’t expect anything less. It sounds like a carefree, colourful pre-baby life you had Talya 🙂

  2. motherhoodtherealdeal Reply

    Thanks so much for having me my lovely co-host. Confirming I am indeed a proper nut job lol. Stopping by generally and sending love from #coolmumclub also! x

  3. […] #coolmumclub meet the members…Motherhood: The Real Deal – OH LOOK IT’S ME!! [̷... motherhoodtherealdeal.com/parenthood/welcome-to-the-coolmumclub-week-16
  4. rhymingwithwine Reply

    Definitely the ultimate in cool. Raising a large glass of wine and toasting you for keeping it spectacularly real! And an extra cheers to MMT for sharing. Thank you both x

    1. MMT Reply

      Would love to feature you honey! X

      1. rhymingwithwine Reply

        Eek! *Blushes nervously* Thank you very much! I might have to practice my coolness a bit first haha xx

      2. rhymingwithwine Reply

        Thank you for hosting lovely xx
        #coolmumclub

  5. maestromummy Reply

    Fab post! Lovely to find out a bit more about you, Talya 🙂 #coolmumclub

  6. lizzie ( firstooth ) Reply

    Hilarious! And so well written. I agree, police don’t need to get involved so taking matters into our own blogging hands helped!

  7. islandliving365 Reply

    Haha, brilliant. Today in honour of Talya I shall raise my glass of wine whilst eating all the cake whilst buying all the random stuff on Amazon 🙂 #coolmumclub

  8. Kyles Reply

    This is hilarious. You’re so creative Talya – I’m sure that comes in more than handy as a mum… plus the sense of humour wouldn’t hurt! Love it! Thanks to both of you for hosting #coolmumclub

  9. Nat Reply

    So funny! But I haven’t had cake in so long and now its all I can think about!

  10. Mrs Lighty Reply

    Ha! Love it! But extra homework?! Seriously Talya?! I love finding out all these cool titbits about my fellow cool mummers but this is a step too far!! Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub 🙂

  11. rightroyalmother Reply

    I love the ‘asked for more homework at school … WTF?!’ I did the same. I like to think it shaped me 🙂 Love the post. #coolmumclub

  12. Someone's Mum Reply

    Haha! Brilliant, creative post. I am a big slipper and Amazon advocate too – And I drank Snakebite with a shot of pernod in it as my drink of choice at university 🙂 Such pretty swirling colours. Oh how the times change 😉 #coolmumclub

  13. Mumma McD Reply

    Hahahaha love it! Cheers to you Talya and all the cool mums!
    #coolmumclub

  14. Agent Spitback Reply

    Brilliant brilliant brilliant Talya!!! Extra homework— that deserves a whole new Psych Assessment! #coolmumclub

  15. Squirmy Popple Reply

    Love the format of this! And it’s great to know more about you, Talya! #coolmumclub

  16. kaylaloves Reply

    Hahah! Great read! x

  17. janeb Reply

    Great to find out more about you, very entertaining! #coolmumclub
    http://www.rockingmummysworld.wordpress.com

  18. Jess Powell (Babi a Fi) Reply

    Loved this, you really are the coolest! 🙂 #coolmumclub

    1. MMT Reply

      Oi what about me?! Ha Ha just kidding 🙂

  19. dearmummyblog Reply

    We’ve just had cake! It’s great to find out more about you! A very hilarious insight 😉 I would raise a glass of vino, however I don’t drink X Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub x

  20. beautybabyandme Reply

    Love Love Love this!! I’ve always loved your honesty Tayla you are fabulous xxx #coolmumclub

  21. Unhinged Mummy (aka Janine Woods) Reply

    Extra homework? Really? Lol. I thought you were cool 😉 Seriously though this was very funny and you certainly do keep it real. Just the way I like.

    #Coolmumclub

  22. Kerry Reply

    Really love this post, loved the format! Popping by from #coolmumclub

  23. nightwisprav3n Reply

    This introduction is so original and creative, not to mention entertaining! I love it! Tayla, you truly are a gifted writer! Motherhood can certainly feel like something we should fight in court doesn’t it? LOL! Wonderful post! #coolmumclub

  24. min1980 Reply

    Loved this. If anyone saw me chuckling to myself whilst breastfeeding a toddler on the train, this would be the reason. Great post! #coolmumclub

  25. Gilly Reply

    Sorry, cant stop laughing long enough to type more #coolmumclub

  26. newmummyblogcom Reply

    Brilliant as always! I really love the way you think of so many ways to write such individual posts…. really FAB Mrs!
    #coolmumclub

  27. domesticgoddess Reply

    Wonderfully creative post, I love it. Thanks for hosting, I’m excited to be linking up. #coolmumclub

  28. My Petit Canard Reply

    I love this! Such a fun post and great to get an insight into one of my fave bloggers. Fab one ladies 😉 Emily #coolmumclub

  29. butterflymum83 Reply

    Ha ha – Brilliant! One of my favourite parenting blogs 🙂 #coolmumclub

  30. Becky, Cuddle Fairy Reply

    lol brilliant post! But asking for homework though…I can’t get behind that one. Definitely the reaction goes along with the amount of tantrums & other annoyances occur during the day. Patience is like one of those sand dials you turn upside down & the sand drips to the other end all day until it’s gone. Thanks so much for hosting #coolmumclub x

    1. MMT Reply

      Would love to feature you if you fancy it Becky! Resident social media guru 😉 x

      1. Becky, Cuddle Fairy Reply

        Yes please! Id love that thanks Hun x

        1. MMT Reply

          Just email me something when you have it… Mummuddlingthrough@gmail.com

  31. This Mum's Life Reply

    I got so excited when I saw who it was this week! And I certainly wasn’t disappointed Talya!! Fabulous post, I loved it! And written in a creatively brilliant way. You need to move to Bristol, we could start a Perfectly Imperfect Mum’s Who Blog club!!
    #coolmumclub

  32. yneely Reply

    I am newbie in the linkey world. Love these posts as they are a great way to get to know people. Thanks 🙂 xx #coolmumclub

  33. PinkPearBear Reply

    I love these interviews and this was such a cool way to present it. My previous cool self is also awol although I’m not sure I’d even want to go back to the jaeger bombs, even if I could!! I’ve just been featured in two interview posts and they were so much fun to be part of, hope you enjoyed the experience Talya! 🙂 #coolmumclub (I just made it in time!!)

  34. Little Pickle's Mom Reply

    Ha ha, what a brilliant method of us getting to know you a bit better! LOVE this Meet the Members post (although, feel like I’d have benefitted from a Law degree reading it!). And who asks for more homework!? Crazy. I did used to ask for holiday work, back in the day when it was easier to take kids out of school for holidays, but I think that’s okay – I just didn’t want to miss out. #coolmumclub

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