Mum Feeling ‘Meh’ #MHAW17

This post was originally featured on www.meetothermums.com during Mental Health awareness week. There is however never a bad time to get open and frank about the mental health, so here it is again, hoping to reach a virtual hand out to any Mum having a bad day.

For the record, I’m having a much better day today.

x MMT

Earlier this week I saw a celebrity on TV chatting about Mental Health Awareness week. As the interviewer probed her about her ‘Struggles with her mental health’ she replied so openly and candidly; “We all struggle with our mental health sometimes don’t we? I think talking about it openly just normalises it”.

Hat off to her. She’s right isn’t she?

I have never been diagnosed with depression, but I, like anyone, certainly have bad days. In fact I have bad bits in good days too.  I love my life wholeheartedly but some days I just can’t help but feel on a bit of a downer, and caught up in the grind, no matter how hard I try and fight it. Being a Mum just feels so relentlessly exhausting; both physically and emotionally. The planning, the doing, the worrying, the guilt and the pressure to have it all covered. I would, and I do, do everything for my family…I guess sometimes I just forget to leave much for myself.

Transitioning to a stay at home Mum means that the portion of my mind dedicated to work commitments and intelligent conversation has now become polluted by things such as which baby groups are on which days, and needing to buy more fabric conditioner. It can be quite consuming and leave you feeling a bit, one dimensional. BUT, I stand by the decision that for now this is what I want to do for my children, for the record.

I have never been labelled as having Anxiety, but I know all too well the feelings of stress and panic rising up in me about the most ridiculous and irrational things which even I cannot explain. Driving somewhere new. Feeling overwhelmed by the never ending to do list in my head. Rushing to cook dinner before swimming.Worrying about something happenning to my children.

I don’t think I have obsessive compulsive disorder, but I do wonder sometimes why I cannot fail to walk past anything out of place without picking it up, popping it shut, tidying it up. Yes my house is tidy, but it leaves me tired and physically exhausted as a result and sometimes I know I should be able to switch off from it and chill the hell out. When does being super efficient creep into the zone of being unhealthy?

I didn’t ever think I had post natal depression, but I found the shock of being a new Mum indescribable. I felt exhausted, lost and unrecognisable from my former self. Nothing prepared me for it, and looking back, I wonder if how I felt was baby blues, or more.

I wasn’t given a title of Post Traumatic Stress, but the trauma of losing my second daughter changed me forever. Lifes thrown it’s fair share of stuff my way, but I’ve always soldiered on and managed to keep my head above water. I think.

In my 36 years I’ve never particularly suffered with PMT, but this month I predicted my monthly visitor by my mood alone – because I noticed a pattern repeating from last month; an inability to tolerate loud noise, a noticeable lack of patience and an emotional response to mildly stressful day to day activities like the school run.

And I’m tired. Physically I ache from pushing my body by running a 10K at the weekend; which for the record gave me an enormous sense of achievement and pride too. But, when my body craved a spa day to recover, instead I carried two scooters and two year old a mile or so home from school. Now I ache even more. I haven’t particularly rested and our nights continue to be very hit and miss as they have for a few years now. I admit, I’ve been rushing the children to bed so I can keep up with blogging commitments when I should be stopping for a bit of me time. But it’s hard to know what that is any more.

Although I haven’t been diagnosed as anaemic, I feel so washed out – as I have for ages, and have put it down to the trials and tribulations of sleepless nights and ‘never sitting down’. In fact, this week I had my third failed attempt to give blood due to low Hb so maybe there is something more to it.

I’m running on empty, and today, I feel a bit rubbish.

No one likes a moaner, and I know not everyone appreciates a transparent approach to how we feel sometimes. Yes we should be grateful for what we have, relish in the wonder of our children’s childhood, thank our lucky stars and soak it all up.

BUT.

If no one speaks about the hard parts, the bits that make us feel like curling into a ball and hiding sometimes, then how do we know what we are feeling is normal? I know that what helps me overcoming all of the tough bits of motherhood, and life,  is knowing that what I feel is okay, and other people feel like it too.

Bad days are real – for some of us there are more bad days than good, and for others it might just be a blip here and there.

You don’t always need a label to know you’re having a bit of a low point, but sometimes just talking about it to each other is a start to putting things right.

I will always answer honestly when someone asks me how I am. Let’s all do the same; keep asking each other, and please, answer honestly and openly if you’re having a bad day, because maybe someone else needs to hear it, because maybe they are too.

x MMT

 

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31 thoughts on “Mum Feeling ‘Meh’ #MHAW17

  1. fancypaperblog Reply

    I was exactly like this x I had a chat with my doc which made me feel a million times better. It really helped to voice it and now- dare I say it- I feel a little like myself again! Hoping you feel better soon x #coolmumclub

  2. Nicole Roder Reply

    You’re so brave for speaking about this publicly. And you’re correct that we all have sadness and worries from time to time. You said you’ve never been “labeled” as having depression or anxiety, but have you been evaluated? I have anxiety for sure, and I take Zoloft. It helps a lot. Thank you for sharing your story! #coolmumclub

  3. anywaytostayathome Reply

    I think it’s completely normal to feel a bit meh sometimes. For me I busy have to watch for when the meh days are too frequent and tipping over into darker days. But I’m good at noticing now, thankfully #coolmumclub

  4. beautybabyandme Reply

    You’re right honey we all have crappy days or crappy moments sometimes. You know I have done. And I have to say speaking about it was everything that helped me. Look after yourself xx #coolmumclub

  5. Donna Reply

    You are so right. I feel all of these things. I wouldn’t say I had post natal depression, but most of that first few weeks it all just felt too much. Sometimes it still does. There is always so much to do. Thanks for sharing. #coolmumclub

  6. mummyhereandthere Reply

    Such a brave and honest post, I have felt similar so can identify. Motherhood is lonely and confusing. Sending lots of love to you X

  7. Sadie Reply

    This is such a great post, I think it hits the nail on the head. I was diagnosed as having depression about ten years ago, and until that point I never felt valid in my bad days because others had it worse or I should be thankful or I was just exaggerating. Looking back that’s a silly mindset, but I felt I was just failing at real life rather than having a true issue…until someone else allowed me to feel that way by slapping a label on it. I see things much differently now, and most of the time don’t identify as being depressed. Now I accept an emotion, acknowledge it, and try to find a way through it back to the good stuff. But like you say, it’s hard a lot of the time, and we need to be not just honest with ourselves but open with others too.
    #coolmumclub

  8. Kristie - mammaprada Reply

    This is so true. Sometimes it’s all consuming trying to do everything to such a superior level and never quite achieving it! And of course we don’t really make time for ourselves do we? Thank you for being so honest, the more of us that do, the more we will not feel held to these ridiculously high standards. xx #coolmumclub

  9. Busy Working Mummy Reply

    I completely agree and can say that I used to have more crappy days than good days. luckily I know what triggers it so I keep an eye now and try not to put myself into positions I know will make me feel worse #coolmumclub

  10. Naomi Cooper (@tripswithatot) Reply

    Compleely agree with you Hun, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your 2nd child 🙁 I can relate to so much of what you had said, and it’s so important for us to speak out.
    Bad days can be pretty terrible when you have small humans to look after. I hate judgmental people, who think mental illness is a weakness; we need to talk about it more.
    #coolmumclub

  11. Angela Watling Reply

    I really needed to read this today. I have been in a real slump recently for a number of reasons and today I have felt so up and down and lethargic. I am vegetarian so probably have low iron. I haven’t been sleeping well. I have things on my mind. When you play all of these things out to people, or even to yourself on paper, they sound trivial and easily fixed. And yet not. There is something there in my mind which leaves me feeling exactly as you put it: “meh”. In fact I used that word to my sister yesterday before I read this. I’m a firm believer that you should try and let go of things you can’t control because what will be will be. But it’s not that easy….

    Thanks for sharing xx #CoolMumClub

  12. thesingleswan Reply

    You are right, we all feel a bit ‘meh’ sometimes. I can also predict the onset of my period by my mood – that never used to be the case. You have been through a lot- make sure that you are kind to yourself. I know that sounds a bit cliche but it is true. There are loads of resources about mental health and loads of people have spoken out recently. Check out Bryony Gordon’s podcast MadWorld. If you haven’t heard it already, I have found it is a really interesting listen. Take care of yourself. Pen x #coolmumclub

  13. Lucy At Home Reply

    I am rubbish at answering honestly when people ask me how I am. I did have quite severe depression several years back – I couldn’t hide how I was feeling because it was so all-consuming, and people couldn’t cope with me being miserable all the time. They wanted me to have good days, and I didn’t. Now I worry about telling people when I’m not feeling great (even if it’s just a bad week / month rather than full-blown depression)… but everyone needs someone to confide in because it lifts the burden. Thanks for highlighting such an important issue #coolmumclub

  14. itsadrama Reply

    Thank you so much for writing this post. Yesterday I scribbled down everything I was feeling after such a crap day. I wanted so badly to publish it but thought ‘this is depressing.. who’s going to want to read this’ but as I’ve just realised with your post, people do. We need to. To remember that it’s completely normal and ok. Thank you again.
    #coolmumclub

  15. rockandrosesmama Reply

    I have had these days quite frequently of late, its good to share and normalise #coolmumclub

  16. Kat Reply

    I can really relate to this. I too sometimes feel overwhelmed by the never ending ‘stuff’ we have to do. I shrug it off and think ‘well everyone else manages’ so it’s refreshing to hear you say out loud what I’ve been thinking. I think we all need to reach out more often and give ourselves a bit of time every now and again. Easier said than done though! #coolmumclub xx

  17. PositiveSNParenting (@MyHomeTruths) Reply

    I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and can relate to much of what you share here. We all have tough days – parenthood is not all roses. But it’s important to recognise when “hard” becomes something more. Thanks for being so honest and open about your feelings and struggles x

  18. Mom Of Two Little Girls Reply

    I think it’s so hard to answer honestly to random acquaintences who ask ‘how are you’, because if I told my kids teacher that I’d had a shit 2 hours of my day already, thanks largely to my hormones, and party to my kids who refuse to get their shoes on, she’s going to call someone. I agree with speaking your mind, but you have to be sure the audience is receptive. Glad you’re doing better. x
    #coolmumclub

  19. Alana - Burnished Chaos Reply

    Brilliant post. It’s so true that the only way we can get rid of all the stigma and misconceptions around mental health is to be honest and open and talk about the way we are feeling. We all have bad days/weeks/months, some of us can pull ourselves round or have people in our lives who helps us do that. Some people can’t and they need to know that it’s ok to seek help x
    #Coolmumclub

  20. Muffintopmummyblog Reply

    Yes, this! I’ve never had any of these conditions either but I do still have my bad days. It’s so good to know that you aren’t alone #coolmumclub

  21. Tubbs Reply

    Everyone feel meh sometimes. But that feeling usually goes away after a while. It’s when you feel meh all the time that there’s an issue. Sometimes a good chat with friends does the trick, but other times it may be worth having a word with your doctor.

    Glad you’re having a better day today.

  22. Lisa Reply

    I completely agree with you its so important to be able to talk about bad days and things we are struggling with it doesnt mean we are not grateful just that we are normal! glad your feeling better today!

    1. Lisa Reply

      forgot to say #coolmumclub

  23. Cheryl @ Tea or Wine Reply

    Well done Sarah, you’re right, we all go through these moments of not feeling able to cope but sometimes it can be completely overwhelming. It sounds like you’ve had some tough times with more than your fair share on your plate, perhaps you could benefit from seeing someone professionally to talk through everything that has happened? Talking in general I think is good and I do believe you need to make some time to relax and treat yourself in order to get you through. #CoolMumClub xx

  24. Helena Reply

    Wise words that we all have mental health and physical. Both are in alignment and need looking after. #coolmumclub

  25. theparentingjungle Reply

    Oh lovely, I have been diagnosed with anxiety, had PTSD from my son’s birth, ME you don’t need labels to feel certain ways. You sound like you have such amazing self-awareness. Running 10k you are more than allowed to feel a bit rubbish and shattered…and it’s important to say that’s how you feel, we have just as much a right to feel bad, ill or depressed as much as we do happy. Honesty and the strength to speak out are important as it can give others strength too to know its ok, and people can reach out to you too. Big love #coolmumclub xx

  26. crummymummy1 Reply

    Very well said! You’re so right! #coolmumclub

  27. Wendy Reply

    This is all so very true. We all go through bad patches in our lives and if only we spoke more openly about it all then it might make those suffering feel a bit better to know they’re not alone.xx #coolmumclub

  28. absolutely prabulous Reply

    I don’t know at what point I went from ‘I’m fine thanks’ – as an automatic response even when I was the pole opposite of fine – to just blurting every tiny detail out lol. Huge mental health issues in my family so it’s one of those topics I’ve avoided writing about as it would traumatise every one of my readers! Thanks for writing this #coolmumclub

  29. Laura Dove Reply

    Totally relate to this, we all have bad days because parenting is TOUGH! It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed at times, I know I do! Be kind to yourself lovely lady. Xxx #coolmumclub

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