Abandoning post

As parents, we are continually challenged in making the right decisions, and divided in the paths we take. When it comes to the question of leaving your children, albeit temporarily, for the purpose of simply ‘having fun’, it seems there is a whole rainbow of attitudes and approaches to what is right, and what is wrong.

So where do I stand? Where do you stand?  Is Mummy absent without leave?

I’m talking here about leaving the children with a responsible carer while you take some time out for you. For example, you have been invited on a reunion with friends, a hen weekend, a special birthday short break. Maybe you and your other half have a special anniversary or occasion, and have booked a night away somewhere. Some could even consider leaving their children to go to work one day a week too much, yet another parent may not think twice about going on a work trip for a week.

So what are the critical factors here? What in your mind differentiates the okay from the no way?

Is it okay if it’s for a proper occasion…your best friend is getting married, hubby turning 40, landmark wedding anniversary. But what if you just ‘need a break’?

Is the cost that determines if it’s a goer? A freebie you just can’t turn down vs an extravagance you cannot fathom not spending on the family? Do you continually compare what you could use that money for with the children? That weekend in Marbella could have taken us all to Disney? Maybe you just don’t have the money. Maybe you have the money but can’t justify putting it there.

Are you happy to be away if you’re a short drive away, but is your passport is stamped ‘Mummy will not travel’? Is the thought of being on a different continent just too much to bear? Or are you at one with the wonders of modern travel? Mummy will send you a postcard…

Is it how long you can bear it? One night is fine…two at a push, but three just too long? Or are you clawing every night of sleep and lay ins you can get away with?

Does it depend on the age of your children? After all, an older child is much more independent. But then, they are so much more aware of your absence than a baby. Or are they? Is all that irrelevant, because it’s a good learning experience for them to be without you as their lifeline for a short time? Or, is it traumatic for them in their tiny universe?

Are you fine to leave the kids with Daddy – after all, the other 50% of team parent? Why shouldn’t he do what you maybe do 5 days a week solo? Or, does he just not do things the way you know they need to be done? And anyway, if Daddy has a job, are you happy to use up precious annual leave on childcare – or does he relish alone time with the children, in the absence of control freak Mum? Do you stand firm on your need for a break? – a well deserved one at that.

While we are on the subject of Dad. Do Fathers get judged in the same way for going away for a weekend, work trip, sporting event? Honestly, do you think anyone would even raise an eyebrow in the same way a Mother may be quizzed about how she feels about being away from her children? I’m guessing not. Or is that way too much of a sweeping statement?

Are you one of those families with super Grandparents…the ones that step in at the drop of a hat, over the moon and thanking you for letting them have their beloved Grandchildren for a whole weekend without you? The children can’t wait to be with them and be spoilt rotten for a weekend, having the time of their lives, and cry when you return to take them home?

Is it the frequency of these things which are the issue. One a year okay…two? At what point do you feel you are taking the mick? Do you and the other half have any kind of agreement….”Yes of course – you go on that stag do darling [that’s one hen weekend away I can have in return]”.

From my experience, breakaways with friends, or your other half, are like buses. You can be waiting a very long time for one to come by, then rocks up the whole damn fleet. As I approach 35, hen weekends are pretty much a rarity, and the social calendars of multiple friends who now all have kids, rarely align. But, just every now and again the social calendar can go a bit loopy.

When my first daughter was born I went on two hen weekends (of very close friends) when she was just 4 and 5 months old. The first was tough, but it was a 30 minute train journey away, and baby was at home with Daddy (and Nanny & Grandad). It was actually fine – I loved the rest and feeling a little like my old self, which wasn’t then a too distant memory. The second weekend also came and went with  no problems, I knew I had to enjoy the rest while I had the opportunity.

There has been a subsequent drought in girly (or coupley) weekenders. Until 2016. 4 years later. So far this year I have been on two weekends away with friends – one to Oxford and one to Barcelona. They both seemed a great idea at the time of booking, but in all honesty, I found it hard leaving the girls – literally, clinging to my legs and screaming as I walked out of the door each time.

Hard not least because for the last 16 months, I haven’t really left them much at all. Sure, the odd evening out – but mostly they were asleep, so pretty oblivious to where Mummy was. This, arguably was also a driver for accepting these invitations. A night off now and again is a wonderful treat, but to have a lay in and no where to be the next day, that is a little slice of luxury for a Stay At Home Mum. To remember what it feels like not to be an hour away from any meal time prep or subsequent clean up operation.

They survived. I survived. More than that – I enjoyed myself. They enjoyed themselves. Sure, we missed each other, but that’s quite nice too.

So…I ask of you this…we all have different lives, different limits, different circumstances. What is right for my family maybe isn’t right for yours. What whats-her-name is doing, or that lady over the road is up to, may be working out just great for them and theirs. Don’t judge. Don’t be judged. In fact, get off that judgey bandwagon and support your parenting pals in whatever they choose to do. Being a parent doesn’t mean life and new experiences has to stop…but also, understand, for some parents, that time away just comes at too much of a cost, whatever that cost may be.

Live, and let live.

x MMT

 

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60 thoughts on “Abandoning post

  1. Franjones Reply

    I think it’s important to have some me time away from the children. You’re so right about dad’s!

  2. An imperfect Mum (@animperfectmum) Reply

    Yes it is about what your limits are and we all have different ones. My son has Special needs and I think that has made it more difficult for me to leave him as I need to know he is with someone he trust or feels safe with.

    1. Catie: An Imperfect Mum Reply

      Popping back from BloggingclubUK

  3. islandliving365 Reply

    I agree, every family is different and what might be right for one might not right for the other at that point. I think getting away from the children is very important and something that I would love to do more often. However, living on Jersey makes that expensive but I am hoping that I get away this year at some point! #marvmondays

  4. Mama Reply

    Totally agree. I do whatever I can to be a good mum and sometimes that means taking time out.

    #fartglitter

  5. Kerry-Ann Reply

    My children are tweens and teens now and I can count on my one hand the number of times I have left them overnight. This is by choice though and don’t begrudge or judge mommies who do take breaks. Like you said, each to their own. Great post to highlight this☺#fartglitter

  6. cherylbarry Reply

    A great post! I’ve not long come back from a weekend break with The Husband to Paris to celebrate our 40ths. 3 nights away from our kids was the longest we’ve ever left them. It was great to have time away and made me really miss and appreciate them when I got home. I think you’re right, so much depends on all the different circumstances like whether you have available grandparents and the age of your kids. The last time I left mine before Paris was for a friend’s wedding in Ireland 2 years ago. My youngest was at that really hard clingy stage where I couldn’t even go to the toilet so she wasn’t happy which made it hard for me to relax. Time away is important but yes, we can’t judge others, every family has unique circumstances. #Fartglitter

  7. Kaye Reply

    I need to suck it up and accept more time away, I think it’s totally necessary but for some reason I just make excuses and really don’t let others look after A as much as I should; gosh knows how things will be affected when baby #2 arrives – I’ll definitely need some me-time then!! Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

  8. thismummylark Reply

    Hmm i agree we all need some child free time. I struggle to have this time especially in the evenings but that may be because i wont leave him with anyone but my mum or sister so my own fault i guess.

  9. Mrs Tubbs Reply

    Me time is great if you can get it. But not everyone has access to great baby-sitters locally. If you don’t have that, it’s very hard. The Tubblet usually ends up coming with us as she’s not old enough to be left on her own yet. Only 2 more years!

  10. butterflymum83 Reply

    I think a break away is so, so important. My son is nearly 3 and we’ve only ever left him for one night but if the opportunity came I could probably bring myself to 2 or 3 nights, assuming my parents were willing as it’s a big ask. Similarly, I leave him at nursery two days a week when I work and this is essential for my sanity.

    I think it’s all about balance – personally I find it a little odd when parents don’t want to leave their children even for a few hours (I’m excluding young babies here, that’s different) but likewise three weeklong holidays a year sans kids is pretty rough! We like to keep somewhere in the middle and it works great for us 🙂 #marvmondays

  11. rhymingwithwine Reply

    Excellent post hon. I agree that I think it does me good to have a few hours away with the hubby or with friends every now and again, just to try and remember who I am whilst not wiping anyone’s nose for more than 5 mins. I don’t think I could personally manage more than a night, and my passport will only ever come out in a bundle along with the kids’ and the hubby’s. Hats off to those Mummies (and Daddies) that do though. As you say, we each have different limits and circumstances and we all need to do what’s right for us.

    Dawn xx
    #bestandworst

  12. Kate Tunstall, The Less-Refined Mind Reply

    Great thought-provoking post.

    Writing following about 5 hours broken sleep, I couldn’t be more in need of a break. But I’ve never done it yet. I’m getting closer though Devil Pixie, and you’d better believe it… Xx
    #BloggerClubUK

  13. Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap) Reply

    I am a massive fan of breaks…the most I have left my daughter is 3 nights. That was for work and a wedding once. She loves her time with hubby or her Nanny but I think by day 3 she is missing us. Recently it has been just 1 night. We need breaks and I would never judge a Mum for time off. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

  14. Emma Reply

    What a great post. It’s got me thinking.
    My post natal depression left me unable to even be in a different from from my DD and although I was diagnosed when DD was 8 months old I didn’t manage to be in a different building to her until she was well over 1 year old. Slowly I was able to leave her with her dad and that was great to have time with friends, we now go away for a weekend every year. Since then we’ve slowly and carefully taken couple breaks together and we are this year going on a week cruise whilst she holidays with her grandparents. If I’m honest it’s come out of a necessity to make time for us as a couple and that is what I’m remembering when I feel the doubt and worry.

  15. Mary @TheHeartyLife Reply

    Loads of great questions, and I know parents across the whole spectrum!

    For me I feel time away for mummy and daddy is essential… it was us before, it will be us again after, I would never want to neglect that relationship for the chapter I am changing nappies and raising kids. I think its great for kids to have sleepovers with grand parents and make bonds and memories with out us and so will send them there a weekend or 2 a year for us to have a night away.

    There have also been times when I have been ill, or after the loss of our daughter that I needed the kids to go to family for a few days because I couldn’t function or be to them what they needed… I do feel some guilt, but I Know they are in good hands and it isnt often x #bestandworst

    1. MMT Reply

      I think that’s what inspired the post Mary – I’ve seen so many different attitudes and opinions too. I agree with you – for me, a break to reconnect with the old me is imperative for retaining my balance…with limits of course. I love the feeling of being reunited with the little ones after time away! x Thanks for reading.

  16. jermbarnes Reply

    we are very fortunate to have two great grammies that let us get way every once in a while. I think its crucial to keeping our relationship healthy

  17. Bread Reply

    I love your advice, definitely how I live my life. Don’t judge or be judged.

  18. Robyn Reply

    Interesting post! It’s not something I’ve given a lot of thought to, since the opportunity just hasn’t come up that often in the 16 months since we’ve become parents. The way you describe a little lie-in and a complete absence of meal-time and cleanup responsibilities does make me think I should invent an excuse to have a short break though…!

  19. absolutely prabulous Reply

    Another superb post my love. Oh goodness where do I start? Personally I’ve never felt the guilt thing at leaving my kids but again it’s all relative. Hiring in the babysitter never made me feel guilty because my kids go to anyone and love it when we leave! But hubby and I haven’t had a date night in almost 3 years so that’s a moot point now. Aside from that, when I just had two, we left them in the UK while we went to Miami for my 40th. I fell apart the first time we spoke to our eldest (then not yet 4) and she was crying. Killed me. Apart from that, I’ve had literally 2 weekends away from them and those were in the last year…my eldest was 10 by then! And they were at home with hubby who is extremely competent on the domestic side so I was fine. Ultimately I’m fine leaving them with family and used to leave my eldest with grandparents loads when she was a bub but getting on an aeroplane and being in a different country with hubby while the kids are in another country unsettles me. Horses for courses. God I do waffle on. Sorry! #BloggerClubUK #FartGlitter #MarvMondays #BestandWorst and #CoolMumClub in advance!

  20. beautybabyandme Reply

    Such a great post (as always) and what a day to read it – today I am leaving Josh for the very first time, with my very best friend whilst I go to the hairdressers! I need it – I need those couple of hours to refresh my hideous hair and have some me time. I do feel a bit nervous about leaving him but I don’t know why – my friend is amazing and works with kids, I’m 10 minutes up the road and Josh is so chilled out he probably won’t even notice I’ve gone! But little steps …. 🙂 And you’re quite right Dad’s don’t seem to go through the same predicaments as us when leaving the kids – I think for us it’s a whole different ball game. Thanks for such a thought provoking post xx #coolmumclub

  21. 2teens1preteen Reply

    a great post … and you shouldn’t feel bad at all … just a few hours away can make a huge difference in feeling human again … a weekend away you feel totally awesome and though I don’t do it often, every time I feel a better mummy when I come back because you feel energised, appreciative of what you’ve got and also I think its good for the children to perhaps not have mummy there for a couple of days – its nice to be missed a little! #coolmumclub

  22. Becci Reply

    As a mum-to-be, pregnant with number 1, I have no idea how I’ll feel about this when the time comes but I certainly hope hubby & I will be able to have nights away & that I’ll also be able to have some me time. Friends I know that manage this seem a lot more relaxed about parenting. I guess nothing can prepare you for the guilt but I think getting away for a day or two sounds like a great thing to do for recharging the batteries & having time to reflect on the joys of parenting. Something to follow up when the time comes I expect! #coolmumclub

  23. crummymummy1 Reply

    We book two nights away at a spa hotel once a year and leave the kids with their grandparents – I always feel guilty but it’s always just what we need!v #coolmumclub

  24. mackenzieglanville Reply

    It is almost embarrassing how long it took me to leave my kids for a night away and even then I spent a night with girlfriends and left hubby with them. Finally I had a night away with hubby and my brother looked after my 3 kids, it was awesome and I wondered why I waited until my oldest was almost 11! We have to do what we feel comfortable with, but I waited too long due to guilt! #coolmumclub

  25. Squirmy Popple Reply

    I can’t imagine a night away from my daughter yet (she’s 9 months). She’s been such a clingy baby that my husband and I have only managed one date so far – lunch for an hour and a half while my mum was visiting. I think we’d really benefit from more time away to ourselves, but with no family close by, it’s really hard to manage it logistically. I’ve had a few ‘nights out’ with friends while the hubby stayed home, but I was never gone for more than a few hours. Maybe some day we’ll find that balance…#coolmumclub

  26. A mum track mind Reply

    With my first child I worked a lot and also had one child-free holiday once a year. I felt like I needed it for my sanity, although I did feel guilty. Ten years on and I’ve just had my second child and I can’t even fathom leaving her for an hour nevermind anything longer. It’s such a personal decision and is really nobody else’s business. Thanks for sharing – I’ve come from the #coolmumclub linky x

  27. tammymum Reply

    Oh it s thoughy isn’t it. I could bang on and on about what suits me and the mister, problem being we often have different things that suit each of us. But like you say, no judgment crack on with whatever suits and live and let live. Fab post by the way, great talking point xx #coolmumclub

  28. WhingeWhingeWine Reply

    I’ve still not done it for more than an hour or so. Sometimes I would leave them with a friendly tramp to get some me time but other times I don’t mind…The years are short…

  29. anxiousmummyblog Reply

    I have only ever left Aria twice, both times she was fast asleep and oblivious to Mummy and Daddy not being there. Both occasions my mum came to our house to watch her. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to leave her at someone else’s house, or while she is awake. People often comment (mostly the MIL!) that we are ruining her by not leaving her with anyone else. You are 100% right, no one should feel judged and I would never judge anyone who leaves their child often, you have to do what is best for you. Jemma x #coolmumclub

  30. Nat Reply

    Great post. I am very much live and let live. I usually only leave mine for one night with their Dad but if the opportunity presented itself I would leave them for longer or with someone else.

  31. Mrs Lighty Reply

    Thanks for this, you’ve reminded me that I should judge less. Certain family members of ours regularly leave their children for days and nights out more in the space of one week that I’ve left Baby Lighty in the space of 9 months!! Or perhaps that’s just a bit of my jealousy that I’d like to be the one going out and about?! Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub 🙂

  32. rhymingwithwine Reply

    I’m back! And this time I’m bringing cookies :0)

    #coolmumclub x

  33. Life With Waldo Reply

    You’re so right that dads do get a second notice if they go away for a weekend, or longer. Even when it’s a business trip a dad can go with no one asking questions, a mom goes and it’s all about “but who will look after the kids?”
    I’d encourage all moms to take time for themselves, a happy mom makes for a better mom. However, I am no one to decide what is best for anyone other than myself.
    #coolmumclub

  34. nightwisprav3n Reply

    When my boys were small I was scared to death to leave them with anyone! That had to do with me though and my own issues and really not to do with the people around them. I have always had trust issues, especially with leaving my babies with people, even with people that I knew logically wouldn’t hurt them in any way but again, that was my burden to bare. Since going through the healing process though, and my kids being older, I have gotten away a couple of times. I took a weekend and drove to my hometown to visit friends about 3 years ago but since then, I haven’t gone anywhere. As a single mom, I am with them all the time. Basically, my me time is while the kids are at school or when I go hiking. It’s so, so rare for me to actually get out and have fun but when I do, it makes me value my me time so much more. I don’t begrudge parents who need to get away once in awhile. Sometimes we just need to re-charge our batteries so we can come back refreshed and appreciate our kids even more! This is a great post! Thanks so much for hosting #coolmumclub

  35. motherhoodtherealdeal Reply

    Food for thought! My attitude to this is very much YOLO! You give so much to your kids so you need to take the opportunities for yourself to abandon post when they present themselves as selfish as this might sound! Onwards and upwards with the #coolmumclub partay! xx

  36. This Mum's Life Reply

    Great post!! And you’ve covered all situations/possible thoughts, feelings and scenarios!! The only time I’ve ever judged someone leaving their children, is through a story I grew up hearing: My aunt and uncle went to America for a long weekend to attend a wedding, and left their children who were 3, and 4months, with my mum, who already had my brother who was 3 months at the time. On the day they were supposed to come home, they phoned my mum and said they were staying for another week, if that was ok with her. She felt like she couldn’t say no, and they didn’t come back for 3 weeks… As adults, with children of their own, my cousins still talk about how horrified they are that their parents did that!! But that little anecdote aside, you have to do what’s right for you-if you’re desperate for a break, it will be of benefit to everyone if you get it! If you will worry so much while you’re gone and won’t enjoy it (I fall into this category!!) then rethink it. But you’re right, it’s everybody’s personal decision!!
    #coolmumclub

  37. Kat - EatLoveLive Reply

    Amen sista! No judging and I believe everyone should do just as they like. Personally I feel 100% comfortable leaving daddy and daughter to have days together and I often head out for the day to enjoy afternoons with my girlfriends. Never evenings – although sometimes our afternoons do roll into them. For me it gives me a chance to recharge my batteries, catch up on the gossip with my besties who are mostly childless and let loose for a bit. That’s totally right for me and I don’t feel guilty about it. Love this post xxx #coolmumclub

  38. Morgan Prince Reply

    Totally. We get to have the occasional weekend off when my sister has the boys, we’ve never been out of the country but that’s okay for us and I’m not sure I’d be comfortable doing that anyway. The last time we went out of the country without the boys there was only one of them, BP, and it was our honeymoon. BP stayed with his Grandparents for a week and 3 days in I was missing him terribly!
    You’re so right, our decisions are made for us and ours. xxx
    #coolmumclub

  39. reimerandruby Reply

    So true, we should not judge and be judged, every family have different circumstance. I have not tried leaving kids for a few days yet, although I have been leaving them at childminder on weekdays when me and husband both go to work. I think now that they’re bigger, I’m more comfortable leaving them with dad if need be. Lovely post! #coolmumclub

  40. bumbismom Reply

    Yes. Totally agree to each his/her own. There are no rules that we all must follow and we need to stop all the judging and start supporting. “Live and let live.” #coolmumclub

  41. Emma Jones Reply

    Great post. I think there’s nothing wrong in leaving your children with a responsible carer. Mum’s need to have a life. I rarely go away without the kids but as you’ve mentioned hen weekends have occurred & I’ve gone & mostly enjoyed myself. It was nice not to be responsible for awhile although I always find it a little hard to wind down. I don’t think dad’s have the same pressure from outsider or internally. My OH has told me he doesn’t worry one jot it’s he’s away as he knows I can manage & the kids are happy. Nights out are hard to juggle but definitely deserved. #coolmumclub lifeinthemumslane

  42. babiesbiscuitsandbooze Reply

    Love this. Everybody should do what works for their family and not worry about anyone else. I really like the point you made about the difference between a mother and father though; most people wouldn’t say much if a father goes away (whether for work or just for fun) but everybody seems to have an opinion when a mother does the same thing. My bubba isn’t quite 4 months and I haven’t been away from him at all yet, but have some weddings this summer that he’s not invited to…might be interesting! #coolmumclub

  43. ljdove23 Reply

    I think that it is so important to have time away from the children, for your own sanity! For me it would two nights at the most and I would never leave the country without them. I always think as long as I’m not too far away that I couldn’t get back if they needed me. I guess that might change as they get older but for now, that’s my limit!!! #coolmumclub

  44. nipperandtyke Reply

    We have had two nights away since Jet was born. The second time, a three year old Jet got u at about 4.45am and jumped about on my mum and dad’s heads. They haven’t offered to look after them overnight again since… 😀 That said, they do look after them for nights out every now and then when Chris isn’t working, which is not as often as I would like, but we are very lucky to have family locally who are willing and able to help us out.
    x Alice
    #coolmumclub

  45. Rachel (Lifeathomewithmrsb) Reply

    Every family is different. I have left my two with all of their grandparents at some point over the last few years. I left my two with my mum while i went on my honeymoon to Marrakech for 4 days. Yes i missed them dearly but to be honest they had such fun they didn’t miss us too much, they’ve already asked when we are next going away so they can stay with my mum again haha! Their Dad has had them for weekends while i go away to visit my mum on my own. Mr B also goes away for lads weekend breaks while i’m home alone with them. I think for us we enjoy our time apart, having that break refreshes our souls every now and then 🙂 #coolmumclub

  46. min1980 Reply

    Interesting one, and as you say, everyone’s different. I’ve never left Piglet overnight because he won’t go to sleep without me breastfeeding him. I know some people would say that I’m-to use my favourite phrase-“making a rod for my own back” still feeding him to sleep at 19 months, but it’s what we’ve always done, and I don’t feel ready to stop, and he clearly doesn’t want to. They are young for such a short time. Also the babysitter would inevitably be my mother, and she does enough looking after him 3 days a week already. Plus I spend so much time at work that the time with Piglet is so precious. So that’s me. If I was a SAHM, or in a relationship, my circumstances would be different and I would have different needs, and quite possibly would want to get away for a bit. Good for you going away, and enjoy it! xxx #coolmumclub

  47. Helen Reply

    Oooh yes exactly… I have felt many/most of these things.
    Guilt. Desperation for space. And everything in between.
    I went to enormous lengths to have a few hours of freedom – pumping and dumping in Gaucho’s loo’s with my dress down round my waist and in the loo’s at Wembley. So many hen’s and weddings with big veiny boobs and no children…
    I love the idea of breaking free, but probably only for 24hours and as you say, only a car drive away (2-3 hours far enough!). No Thelma and Louise! Great post xx #coolmumclub

  48. Helen Reply

    PS. it was Take That at Wembley – I think it’s what they would have wanted?!

    1. MMT Reply

      I was probably sitting next to you 😉 in the gods, not the loos!

  49. naturemumwales Reply

    My partner and I have barely had time together since our son was born, He was born 10 weeks early so took me a long time to even think of leaving him, in fact he was 16 months old when I first left him. Then we moved 400 miles from family. But as soon as my parents visit which is around 3 times a year we head out for a date. We are getting married next year and are honeymooning in Ireland so we will be more than making up for it then 🙂 #CoolMumClub

  50. Agent Spitback Reply

    Loved this post! Made me think and giggle too – Mummy will send you a postcard! I have to admit I am a worrier so even if I am away from my children, just for one night, I WILL WORRY! Yes, I am almost ashamed to say even though my three children are so much older but I find it hard to let go. I have gone away for work before but then I don’t feel guilty because I HAVE but I still worry. So I don’t even bother going away on my own because I’ll be worrying too much to enjoy myself! #coolmumclub

  51. Mummy in a TuTu (@mummyinatutu) Reply

    This struck a real chord with me! Unfortunately I cannot leave baby with daddy as he has not even learnt how to change her nappy yet let alone look after her. Luckily I am happy to leave her with my mother or sister or brother in law. But I feel guilty 99% of the time if I do! If it is because of a necessity such as food shopping that is okay. But when it is for pleasure (I went to the cinema for my birthday so 3 hours) I just don’t enjoy it as much. At the moment I feel I need to be close by
    #coolmumclub

  52. Mum in Brum Reply

    Here, here! I’m a total believer in live and let live. Personally I would love to have those grandparents on hand who swoop in at the drop of a hat and fight me to babysit. But we don’t live close to family so that just isn’t the set up we have. I think I’ve had three nights away from Taylor since she was born and I do find that as time goes on I want to leave her less – when she was a screaming newborn I didn’t mind so much!!! #coolmumclub xx

  53. Silly Mummy Reply

    I agree – everyone is different and it’s what works for you. I personally don’t like the idea of leaving them overnight, especially while they’re young, but their dad has, and that’s fine – I just don’t want to. Interestingly, we have different opinions on whether you would go away on holiday without the kids. His parents used to split the kids between various relatives and go away without them. My parents went away for a few days once when we were very little as a late honeymoon since they’d never had one with having kids, but other than that we always went away as a family. So, for me, I wouldn’t consider holidaying without my kids and I don’t see why I would want to, while he can’t see why you wouldn’t want to have holidays to yourself! #coolmumclub

  54. butterflymum83 Reply

    Popping back from #coolmumclub Such a wonderful post x

  55. mudpiefridays Reply

    This is so true!! Its is totally down the the mother, the family and the children. I went to V when Monkey was 8 weeks old (only for the day) and I expressed in a field! But I needed to make a break and I did, it was hard but I glad I did it. I also had a hen do when he was 10 months old and I often do evening classes when the OH puts Monkey to bed. Now he’s 3 1/2 he’s okay as he’s learnt that we come back. But we are due with our second so it will be interesting to see how things differ with him. However as you say these are my choices and we shouldn’t judge other parents going through the same difficult decisions we do every day. Thank you for joining us at #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again next week x

  56. Becky, Cuddle Fairy Reply

    I agree – it’s going to be different for every family! We are lucky that my husband has a big family who all lives near us. 99% of the time it’s a family member who minds our kids if we go somewhere. The one time it was someone else it was a niece of my husband’s brother in law so she was still connected. It’s nice to not worry about who’s minding. #coolmumclub x

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